Lori Gottlieb, a therapist and bestselling author of "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," shares her insights on the narratives we create about ourselves. She highlights the transformative power of storytelling and the need to recognize our inner unreliable narrators. Relationships, she argues, should be viewed as a dance focused on personal growth rather than changing others. Gottlieb also emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapist to help edit our life stories, encouraging listeners to embrace change for true happiness.
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insights INSIGHT
Unreliable Narrators
We are all unreliable narrators of our own lives, shaping our stories based on our perspectives.
By changing our narratives, we can potentially change our lives.
question_answer ANECDOTE
John's Rudeness
Lori Gottlieb's patient John insulted her, calling her a "nobody" and comparing their sessions to those with a "hooker."
His behavior indicated a deep fear of closeness, expressing unspeakable pain through actions.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Change Your Dance Steps
Change your actions in relationships, your "dance steps," instead of trying to change others.
By changing your own behavior, you influence the other person to change or leave the "dance."
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A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
Lori Gottlieb
In 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,' Lori Gottlieb presents a dual narrative where she recounts her experiences as a psychotherapist working with various patients and as a patient herself, seeking therapy after a sudden and devastating breakup. The book introduces several patients, including a self-absorbed Hollywood producer, a young newlywed diagnosed with terminal cancer, a senior citizen contemplating ending her life, and a young woman struggling with alcoholism and poor relationship choices. Through these stories, Gottlieb sheds light on the therapeutic process, highlighting the complexities of human emotions, the importance of connection, and the universal quest for meaning and inner reconciliation. The book is known for its candid and humorous approach, offering insights into the human condition and the transformative power of therapy.
Lori Gottlieb believes we all have an inner narrator. In this episode, she explains why the story you tell yourself is key to your happiness (or lack thereof). She also discusses the stages of change, why relationships are a dance, and the steps to finding a good therapist that can help you edit the story of your life. Lori is a therapist, the bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and a co-host on the Dear Therapists podcast. She was once also an executive at NBC, overseeing shows like the hit medical drama ER. It’s through these varied experiences that she’s realized the power of being aware of your personal narrative and being willing to edit your story.
For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts
How to Be a Better Human 
