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#105 The Confidence Expert: How To Build UNSHAKEABLE Self Confidence | Mark Manson

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Dec 4, 2025

Guest

Mark Manson

Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, dives into the nature of confidence and the power of embracing failure. He critiques how dating apps prioritize superficial connections and shares insights on success being about meaning, not just happiness or money. Manson discusses Gen Z's struggles with relationships and the risks of over-identifying with labels. He also explores the potential of AI therapy, cautioning that while it can validate, it often lacks the challenge needed for growth. Lastly, he highlights the wisdom of choosing a life partner carefully.

01:17:10

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insights

INSIGHT

Confidence Is Comfort With Failure

Confidence is about being comfortable with failure, not always feeling successful.
Stop chasing constant confidence and accept uncertainty as part of action.

insights

INSIGHT

Dating Apps Optimize The Wrong Things

Dating apps optimize superficial resume traits that don't predict long-term compatibility.
True chemistry and shared values reveal themselves only after meeting and interacting.

insights

INSIGHT

Low Expectations Fuel Contentment

Finnish happiness reflects low expectations and contentment rather than relentless striving.
Goals are fine but won’t solve underlying dissatisfaction after they're achieved.

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Paradox of Being Likable

00:58 • 4min

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Dating Apps Optimize the Wrong Traits

04:49 • 3min

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Success: Meaning Over Money or Happiness

07:57 • 2min

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Happiness in Finland: Low Expectations

09:43 • 2min

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Social Skills as the 80/20 of Well‑Being

11:44 • 2min

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Confidence Is Comfort With Failure

13:49 • 2min

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Build a Failure Muscle with Small Risks

15:28 • 2min

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Experiments and Public Challenges

17:11 • 5min

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Happiness Comes from Progress and Struggle

Burnout After Big Success

26:25 • 2min

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Not Giving Too Many Fucks

27:59 • 2min

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Setting Boundaries by Rules

29:34 • 3min

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Therapy Labels: Useful But Risky

32:54 • 8min

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Avoid Over‑Labeling Yourself

Manage Emotions Like a System

46:23 • 4min

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Gen Z Risk Aversion and Boundaries

50:42 • 4min

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AI Therapy: Promise and Danger

55:04 • 3min

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Building Purpose: Tough‑Love AI

57:42 • 8min

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LLMs Are Brilliant Idiots

01:05:24 • 2min

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Choosing a Life Partner Wisely

01:07:26 • 3min

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Best First Date Question

01:10:53 • 2min

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Choose the Bullshit You Enjoy

• Mentioned in 201 episodes

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson

In this book, Mark Manson argues against the typical self-help advice of constant positivity, instead suggesting that life's struggles give it meaning. He emphasizes the need to focus on what truly matters and to accept and confront painful truths. The book is divided into nine chapters and uses blunt honesty and profanity to illustrate its ideas, encouraging readers to find meaning through values they can control and to replace uncontrollable values with more meaningful ones.

#1294

• Mentioned in 25 episodes

Models

Attract Women Through Honesty

Mark Manson

This book focuses on the concept of 'non-neediness' and emphasizes the importance of honesty in relationships. It advises men to be genuine, vulnerable, and true to themselves, rather than trying to impress women through manipulative tactics. The book is divided into sections such as 'Honest Living,' 'Honest Action,' and 'Honest Communication,' and it provides practical advice on overcoming anxiety, developing true confidence, and polarizing women to determine their interest. It also stresses the importance of self-investment and living a life that aligns with one's true values and desires.

Most people think confidence is about believing you'll succeed. Mark Manson knows better — it's about being comfortable with failure. After writing one of the best-selling nonfiction books of all time and spending nearly two decades studying human psychology, the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck has cracked the code on why Gen Z is struggling with relationships, why therapy culture might be making us worse, and why your emotions are a system that needs managing just like your business.

In this raw conversation, Mark breaks down the alarming statistics behind today's confidence crisis, why dating apps are optimizing for all the wrong things, and how adopting labels as identity actually amplifies your problems. We dive deep into the hidden costs of success, why the happiest country in the world has low expectations, and the brutal truth about why 20-25% of Gen Z has cut off at least one parent. He reveals why AI therapy is both promising and dangerous, the single question that exposes red flags on first dates, and why marrying well is the highest leverage decision of your entire life.

But this isn't just about what's broken — it's about what actually works. Mark explains why failure is the only currency that matters, how to stop being a people pleaser without being a dick, and why your bank account reflects the difficult conversations you're willing to have. If you've ever felt like you're chasing happiness instead of meaning, or if you want to build real confidence that comes from action instead of affirmation, this episode will change how you think about success, relationships, and the problems you're willing to have in your life.

Thanks to GoDaddy for sponsoring this video! Head to ⁠https://godaddy.com/codiesanchez⁠ to get started with GoDaddy Airo® today

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00:00:00 Introduction 00:01:16 The Paradox of Being Likable 00:05:19 The Dating App Crisis and Modern Relationships 00:07:45 What Real Success Actually Means 00:09:16 The Happiest Country: Low Expectations in Finland 00:11:28 Social Skills: The 80/20 of Happiness 00:13:21 Confidence is Comfort with Failure 00:15:14 Building Failure Muscle: From Small to Big 00:24:07 The Post-Exit Existential Crisis 00:27:33 Stop Labeling Yourself: Identity and Mental Health 00:45:07 Emotions as a System to Manage 00:48:37 The Why Game: Peeling Back the Onion 00:49:45 Therapy Culture and Cutting Off Family 00:53:48 ChatGPT as Therapist: The Malignant Narcissist Problem 00:56:27 Building Purpose: AI That Challenges You 01:02:40 AI Limitations: Brilliant Idiots 01:06:21 Choosing a Life Partner: More Than Romance 01:09:37 The Best First Date Question 01:11:18 Everything Comes with Bullshit 01:12:17 What Pain Do You Want?

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