Transforming Conflict w/ William Ury | How To Engage In & Rise Above Any Conflict
Feb 16, 2024
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Expert William Ury guides us on transforming conflicts at personal and global levels. Topics include proactive conflict management, dignity and respect in disputes, body language for better communication, embracing and growing through conflict, the power of empathy in negotiations, and the 'third side' collaborative approach to conflict resolution.
Take a moment to pause and gain perspective before engaging in conflict resolution.
Active listening and empathy are crucial in understanding the other person's perspective during conflict resolution.
Embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth and transformation by shifting to a cooperative mindset.
Deep dives
Building a Bridge in Conflict Resolution
The first step in transforming conflict is to pause and go to the balcony, a place of calm and perspective. By taking a deep breath and practicing silence, you can connect with yourself and understand your own emotions before engaging with others. This connects to the next step, which is zooming in to understand what you really want from the conflict. By listening to yourself and acknowledging your needs, you can then zoom out and see the bigger picture. This allows you to create options and find ways to meet both your needs and the needs of the other person involved in the conflict.
The Power of Connection and Empathy
In conflict resolution, listening is crucial. It involves not just hearing, but truly understanding and empathizing with the other person's perspective. This requires putting yourself in their shoes and seeking to understand where they're coming from. By connecting with them on a human level and acknowledging the validity of their point of view, you establish respect and create an environment where both parties can work together to find a solution that satisfies everyone's needs.
Transforming Conflict to Foster Growth
Conflict should not be feared or avoided, but embraced as an opportunity for growth and transformation. Rather than focusing on superficial consensus, true resolution comes from engaging with conflict and finding ways to change the game. This involves exploring creative options and considering the best alternatives to a negotiated agreement. By transforming conflict and shifting the mindset from an adversarial stance to one of cooperation and mutual benefit, it becomes possible to reach resolutions that promote harmony, understanding, and personal growth.
The Importance of Curiosity and Learning
Conflict resolution requires a curious mindset and continual learning. It's essential to have a willingness to listen, ask questions, and truly understand the other person's perspective. This helps to build empathy, expand one's own perspective, and open up opportunities for finding common ground and creative solutions. Conflict is a natural part of life, but by approaching it with openness, curiosity, and a commitment to ongoing learning, individuals can navigate conflicts effectively and foster positive connections.
The Power of Empathy in Conflict Resolution
Empathy is a key human talent that allows us to understand and connect with others. It is crucial in dealing with conflicts in a healthy way. Building a bridge in conflicts involves staying engaged and actively listening to the other person's perspective. It requires stepping out of our own preconceived notions and understanding where the other person is coming from. Successful negotiators start by listening and creating options for mutual gain, finding ways to meet both parties' needs. The goal is to expand the pie, finding solutions that address both sides' interests.
The Third Side: Expanding the Perspective
In conflict situations, we tend to reduce everything to two sides: us versus them. However, there is always a third side, which represents the larger whole, the community, or the shared humanity. The third side helps in transforming conflicts by providing a perspective beyond the individual parties involved. Seeking help from the third side can be crucial in finding creative solutions and mediating conflicts. It could be a coach, mediator, or even prayer and spirituality. The key is to tap into the untapped potential of the larger community and engage in healthy ways of dealing with differences and conflicts.
We begin a series on conflict, or more specifically, the possibilities within or around conflict. We seem to be a world more at conflict than ever. We can ask why, but where it starts is with us and chances are as you are listening right now you have a list of people in your lives who you are struggling with or distanced from, because of conflict. So how can you…how can I…better steward conflict in our lives, and from there, in the worlds around us? My guest and expert on the topic is William Ury. William is one of the world’s best-known experts on negotiation, and the co-author of Getting to Yes, the world’s all-time bestselling book on the topic with more than 15 million copies sold. He’s a co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation and has devoted his life to helping people, organizations, and nations transform conflicts around the world, having served as a negotiator in many of the toughest disputes of our times and consulted with the White House, the State Department, and the Pentagon. He has served as a negotiation adviser and mediator in conflicts ranging from Kentucky wildcat coal mine strikes to family feuds, from US partisan battles to wars in the Middle East, Colombia, Korea, and Ukraine. My focus in this series is primarily on the greatest battle front, which is the worlds we live in, in our homes and our work. My muse is William’s brand new book, POSSIBLE: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict.
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*This podcast is rated clean but the subject matter is adult themed and may not be suitable or relevant for children or those with fragile belief systems.
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