The Kevin Miller Podcast

I breathe just to live. I walk to live. I eat, drink, and sleep to live. Is there a benefit to breathing more or differently than necessary? I walk more than necessary for my health and fitness and go so far as to run quite a bit. I don’t eat and drink more for my health but I eat better and drink better. I definitely sleep more than necessary for pure survival. So even though it’s never been a focus, it makes sense that the breathing I do to keep me alive might also give me a benefit if I did more than just the minimums to do so. Breathing brings oxygen into my body. More oxygen, more benefit. As you’re about to hear, the concept of breath and breathing is an incredibly frequent term in spirituality, appearing 137 times in the Bible alone, and it is not in reference to my physiology. In this podcast I sit down with Francesca Sipma, author of Unblock Your Purpose:  Breathwork, Intuition, and Flow State. She is the founder and CEO of Mastry, an online app that guides you through breathwork sessions. Francesca is also the creator of HypnoBreathwork® and a renowned international speaker who has become one of the premier personalities and advocates for the power of breathwork. I found Francesca to be very down to earth and tangible with the concept of breathwork and I’m now a client of hers as well. As you will hear, I am very interested in a method I can practice to alter and enhance my physiology and psychology, without jumping through the hoops of drugs and even plant medicine. You can find her at FrancescaSipma.com and again, the app she created that I’m now using is Mastry Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all know we have an inner voice, whether it speaks out loud, you write letters in your head like I do, or it’s just the constant stream of thoughts and feelings running amok at all times. A frequent directive is to shut the voice up or ignore it. One this is impossible, and two, that voice is there for a reason and the opportunity we all have is to harness it for our personal success. Ethan Kross is a PhD and one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. Ethan is an award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and its Ross School of Business and is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. Ethan has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle, and NPR's Morning Edition. I brought him on the show after I got a hold of his new book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It. That tagline is the hook…why it matters and how to harness it. Not shut it up or out. Connect with Ethan at Ethankross.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all have a primary pattern of dealing with relational conflict. There are a scant few, in my experience, who do it with health and peace. The rest tend to fall into what psychologists have labeled, Fight, Flight, or Freeze tendencies. I’m not a fighter, and viewed myself as generally freezing in the moment of conflict, masked by thinking I was just being cool and calm, waiting for it to just end so I could take flight and remove myself. I thought I was valiant for my lack of fighting. Righteous and unshakable. And I thought I was protecting everyone, myself included. I did whatever it took to, choose your word: appease, placate, tolerate, or put up with. What I realize now is I was just being dishonest to myself and everyone, and while I thought I was being strong, I now view it as being incredibly weak. Again, dishonest. And what was really happening is I grew bitter and was slowly building walls with each brick of appeasing. The new term for this and what I now relate to, is Fawning. And this is the podcast today. I sat down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton who is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.  She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views. She has now come out with the first ever, commercial book on this concept of fawning, it’s titled, FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find our Way Back. Fawning is a hallmark of codependency, and often occurs when we can’t fight or flee because we have to remain in relationship with the person or situation we are struggling with. It is highly relevant to why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems obvious to others we should go or take drastic steps to try and correct things. Ingrid says fawning can serve a purpose as an emergency adaptive strategy that protects us from losing connection with people we depend on, but it becomes a real problem when it turns from the emergency coping mechanism to compulsory in our day to day lives. The good news of course is we can break the pattern of chronic fawning once we see the trauma response for what it is. I was incredibly excited to talk with Ingrid and this conversation proved invaluable for me. I hope it will be for you as well, as my feeling is that most of us suffer from aspects of fawning in certain relationships and circumstances in our lives. Connect with Ingrid on IG @ingridclaytonphd and find the new book Fawning that is hitting bookstores now. Coming up next, my conversation with Dr Ingrid Clayton on the pervasiveness of Fawning and how to get out of this insidious trauma response. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The self-help and personal development world gives primary focus to increasing our performance so we can achieve greater successes in our lives. And it’s true we all are capable of more. Nobody is performing at their max capacity. But we won’t outperform the level of ability we believe about ourselves and all we have to go on is the proof of what we have and haven’t done thus far. It brings to mind Roger Banister breaking the four minute mile mark in running, which was deemed humanly impossible, but more importantly the four other runners who then did it within a year. All that changed is once they believed running a sub four minute mile was possible, they did it. Prior, they could not. Most of us are sitting where we are and desiring greater performance from ourselves but unable to see ourselves being at a higher level. If someone came along and ran a diagnostic test on us and said they had proof we could do and be more, I think  we would in short order. To have a performance upgrade we need an upgrade to our identity. I’m bringing back a discussion I had with Anthony Trucks on the topic. Anthony is a former NFL Athlete, American Ninja Warrior on NBC, and prolific international speaker. And he knows difficulty. His mom gave him up to adoption at age three. He then spent three years in foster care amongst neglect and abuse before being adopted into an all white family. He made it to the NFL only to have an injury end his career and from there he spiraled down and lost…everything. His money, his wife to an affair, his children. Most people just don’t recover from so much. His identity was in the trash. But he did recover and now all that pain is the foundation of his platform for overcoming. His journey was one of giving focus to his identity and truly being able to see himself where he wanted to be, and this is the crux of his mission and message. He has a book called Identity Shift: Upgrade How You Operate To Elevate Your Life which contains some key principals I feel are revolutionary for all our efforts to upgrade our personal results. Find Anthony at https://www.anthonytrucks.com/ and check out his podcast, Dark Work Daily. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A few nights ago I watched The Matrix with four of my younger kids after one said she didn’t remember ever seeing it. A group of my older kids had gotten together to watch it recently as well. I’m talking the 1999 movie starring Keanu Reeves. It depicts a concept where most humans are inert and simply plugged into a computer program living pretend lives in a virtual construct. There is then a small clan of rebels who have escaped and are actually living in the tangible, real world. In the 26 years since the Matrix came out there have been many commentaries on The Matrix being real, in that we are all living a programmed and rather simulated life. Not a true, free, and authentic existence. What strikes me is that real or not, all the things we do in life are simply to feel a certain way. I ask you to ponder this with me a moment as we consider the things we are pursuing, and why. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“No regrets” is an American slogan along with “No Fear” and “Just Do It.” Yet more often than not we don’t “just do it,” having no fear is psychopathic, and having no regrets means you have no sorrow for ever hurting anyone or making a mistake. Regret is simply recognizing sadness or disappointment about something we did we wish we hadn’t, or we didn’t do and wish we had, and Dan Pink’s research showcases it’s a massive power if we’ll recognize it and learn from it. Not as he says, reject it or wallow in it. The following conversation was my second time having Dan on the show. Dan Pink is a multi-best selling author, and when I say best selling, I don’t mean one day on an obscure Amazon book category like Amish Romance, but the actual New York Times bestseller list. You’ll likely recognize his books such as A Whole New Mind, To Sell Is Human, and When. His books have sold millions of copies, have been translated into forty-two languages. He also has a TED talk titled “The Puzzle of Motivation” which has somewhere north of 30 million views. I recently saw him being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Dan is an author like Brene’ Brown who leads with research, and he’s now turned his focus to regrets with his new book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward. I asked him back on the show the moment I saw the book title and you’re about to hear me dig in with him on how we can harness regret for our progress, not suffer or run from it. Find The Power of Regret anywhere you get books and connect with Dan at danpink.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I’ve spent a lifetime doing. Achieving and building and creating and adding. And now I find that what I most want is peace. I’m 54 and I’m tired. Not physically tired. But emotionally. The past four years have been a time of deconstructing and dismantling and letting go of most everything I held dear. I have encountered the most difficult time of my life and along with it the most enlightening time. And I am experiencing peace like never before and finding it more fulfilling than any achievement. I will soon be sharing a construct that I have found to be truly revolutionary for my own peace and joy. But I’m concerned that when we look to offer happiness and peace and purpose to the world, we don’t realize that many, possibly a majority of people, don’t really want happiness, peace, and purpose. Or do we simply want to feel good in the moment? We want pleasure and riches and fame, even if we’re miserable at heart? There is some startling research that points to this and I want to talk with you about getting real with what you really want and quite possibly help reveal what is actually driving you and very likely at the root of your continued discontent. I’m going to cite a study that for me, belies a very important and I feel tragically dangerous revelation about our culture today. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have done a number of podcasts on calling, but as I don’t believe anyone has the definitive definition of what a calling is and what your’s might be, I am a fan of a continued discussion with various experts. I spent many years talking about calling and purpose as some holy grail discovery. Even as I did so many different things vocationally and personally, all the while feeling very fulfilled and inspired in my work. It wasn’t until I had kids in high school and became concerned about finding that big, one thing, that I started to understand calling not just as one role, but more as a position I can engage with in many, many areas. A few years ago I sat down with someone I learned to view as a sage regarding calling. My Dad, Dan Miller, famed author of 48 Days To The Work & Life Love. He helped so many people expand their understanding of themselves and what they had to offer. Which was offerings that transferred to many, many applications. He’d so often find someone who had been wildly successful in the corporate world or in business or even areas of life like athletics or politics, but whose role in those areas came to an end. And they had no idea how to transfer their skills to something else. And for that matter, were not clear on what their skills were. And how they related to what really called to their hearts. So in this conversation we discuss the myth of a narrow calling, and even address what a true “calling” is anyway. My father passed away, but his profound work lives on at 48days.com. Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do we all have some creative ability in us? Yes. Can we learn and grow to be more creative? Yes. Should we all be living as “creatives?” I question this. But what creativity we have, whether it’s art, ideas, businesses, innovations, or solutions to problems, how can we best go from the idea or concept, to actually doing and delivering something? I don’t want to do something with every creative idea I have, but with the ones that matter, I’d be lying if I said I just made them all happen. I don’t always, and I haven’t always understood why. Which is why I have for you today, Zorana Ivcevic Pringle. Zorana Ivcevic Pringle is a senior research scientist at Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence where she studies the process of making something both original and effective, which is how she defines creativity, and explains how turning those ideas into reality always starts with the choice to act, or what she calls the creativity choice. It is a choice that must be made again and again until one’s creative ideas take shape. She has a new book called just that, The Creativity Choice: The Science of Making Decisions to Turn Ideas into Action. In this conversation we discuss not only what it takes to get started with our creative ideas but the psychological and emotional tools needed to sustain the creative process. I really appreciate Zorana coming at this as a true scientist and not telling us it’s just easy. She claims the creative process is hard, and when it comes to the original idea and presenting something useful to humanity, I agree. I feel we do a disservice to people when we try to encompass things into a little formula we sell as “easy.” I find few things of value to be very easy. Simple maybe, but seldom easy.  So here we walk through the three parts of Zorana’s Creative Process and as you will hear, we discuss the  necessary ingredients, but ingredients you must assemble in a unique way for your unique self. You can find Zorana’s book, The Creativity Choice, anywhere, and connect with her at her website zorana-ivcevic-pringle.com Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In my experience almost everyone has a platform that provide the possibility and opportunity of influence. As a parent, as a spouse, if you work with other people, if you are involved in athletics or go to church, if you’re in school and more. Basically with anyone you are in consistent communication and/or proximity. Though to have influence you must have true relationships. And trust. And for that you need to be expressing your authentic self. This is the topic of the episode, and I bring back to you, Brianna Brown Keen. Brianna is an accomplished actress, appearing in more than 20 feature films and 30 television shows and most recently she had a featured role in season four of the Outer Banks series playing the character of Hollis Robinson. She defines her acting role as being “paid to pretend” and cites being in the business of rejection. What attracted me to Brianna was her use of her platform to go deeper with people. She wrote a book called Manifesting Your Mission where she helps guide people to pursue and achieve what they truly desire. Since this conversation, she’s also started a podcast of the same name where you will find one of her initial guests was, me. We talk about using your platform to really engage with people, being yourself, and everyone having art. I really appreciate her place in Hollywood where self-expression, rejection, and acclaim are in a very heightened and exaggerated forms and felt it helped me better conceptualize and better appreciate the challenges we all face. Find Brianna at www.briannabrownkeen.com and tune into her podcast, Manifesting Your Mission Sign up for your $1/month trial period at shopify.com/kevin Go to shipstation.com and use code KEVIN to start your free trial. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices