Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a sex and relationship expert with a PhD in Counseling Psychology, joins Dan Purcell to explore the art of cherishing a spouse. They discuss how love often clashes with personal expectations, highlighting the need for gratitude and presence in relationships. Key topics include the courage to cherish amid challenges, moving past resentment, and the powerful choice to actively love your partner. Their conversation is an invitation to transform personal growth and deepen intimacy, with practical insights for nourishing enduring connections.
Cherishing a spouse requires a commitment to unconditional love and gratitude, fostering a more meaningful and resilient relationship.
Practicing intentional gratitude helps shift focus from disappointments to appreciation, enriching both personal happiness and relational connections.
Deep dives
Embracing Gratitude in Daily Life
Cherishing life involves living in a state of gratitude for the simple privilege of being alive and present. Recognizing that every day is a gift can drastically shift one’s perspective, especially when considering that many do not have the same opportunity. Instead of focusing on daily disappointments, embracing an attitude of gratitude encourages appreciation for loved ones, highlighting their value in our lives. Imagining life without them can deepen this realization and foster a more meaningful connection.
The Importance of Cherishing in Relationships
Cherishing a partner means consciously choosing to value and appreciate their unique qualities, separate from oneself. It requires a commitment to love unconditionally, even when faced with challenges or unmet needs in the relationship. This mindset helps to prevent resentments that can arise when both partners fall into a transactional dynamic, where love is given only when received. Being willing to love despite personal grievances fosters a stronger, more resilient bond.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Cherishing
To actively cherish partners, it is essential to practice gratitude intentionally, acknowledging their contributions and positive attributes regularly. Establishing habits, such as sharing appreciation during special moments or daily check-ins, can create a culture of gratitude within the relationship. This practice not only benefits the partner but enriches one's own emotional well-being and happiness. Ultimately, a focus on gratitude shifts attention from shortcomings to the abundance present in life and relationships.
Too often, we enter marriage with expectations of what it will provide for us, without fully understanding the promise we are actually making—to love someone who is dramatically different from us.
When we first fall in love, this seems easy enough, but as we face the difficulties that come when two individuals start the real work of creating a life together, resentment, anger, and even hostility can creep in.
In this NEW episode Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dan Purcell of the Get Your Marriage On! podcast to answer the question of what it means to really cherish a spouse. Dr. Finlayson-Fife's answer leads to a beautiful discussion on the importance of gratitude, what love is and what it is not, and the impact that deliberate cherishing has in our lives and in our relationships. The episode offers practical advice on how to live in gratitude, be more present in relationships, and navigate conflicts with integrity and love.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
The difference between needing, wanting, and cherishing a spouse
How marriage reveals our own immaturities
Why cherishing requires courage
How to move beyond feelings of resentment and entitlement
What it means to actively choose your partner
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