Modern Wisdom #971 - Adam Lane Smith - 13 Semi-Controversial Truths About Masculinity
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Jul 24, 2025 
Adam Lane Smith, a psychotherapist and author dedicated to helping men improve their relationships, shares thought-provoking insights on masculinity and modern dating. He explores the importance of choosing the right partner and how avoidant attachment styles affect high-performing men. Discussions on navigating emotional vulnerability challenge societal norms, while the need for deeper connections is emphasized. Smith also highlights the role of validation in relationships and the impact of modern dating ideologies, offering fresh perspectives on male growth and resilience.
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Four Levels of Male Safety
- Men must provide four levels of safety: physical, resource, emotional, and bonding safety.
- Women need to be able to receive safety for a healthy, secure relationship to develop.
Attachment Crisis in Gen Z
- Only about 35% of Gen Z is securely attached, leaving most insecure and unable to bond properly.
- Securely attached people cluster separately and form healthy relationships while the insecure majority struggle.
Oxytocin Deficit in High Performers
- High performing avoidantly attached men lose oxytocin bonding, causing health and relationship issues.
- Lack of oxytocin leads to stress dominance, depression, testosterone loss, and premature health decline.
