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How Thinking About Death Can Improve Your Life | Alua Arthur

Apr 10, 2024

Alua Arthur, a former attorney turned death doula and founder of Going With Grace, shares profound insights about embracing mortality. She discusses how contemplating death can serve as a powerful motivator and stress reliever, leading to a more fulfilling life. Alua recounts her transformative journey from law to guiding others through end-of-life conversations, emphasizing authenticity and healing. Listeners learn practical methods for discussing death, fostering deeper connections, and cultivating appreciation for each fleeting moment.

51:08

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Alua Arthur

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Quick takeaways

Contemplating mortality can be a source of motivation.

Imagining your ideal death can be a stress reliever.

Open communication and expressing emotions are crucial for avoiding regrets.

Deep dives

Facing Death with Elua Arthur

Death is a taboo topic for many, but addressing it can enhance our lives. Elua Arthur, a former attorney turned death doula, guides individuals through the end of life, sharing insights on living. Arthur emphasizes how death awareness can motivate and relieve stress, urging people to imagine their ideal death to reduce fear. She stresses the importance of not leaving things unsaid and the peaceful acceptance some experience at the end of life.

Preparing for Death: Medical Choices and Cultural Perspectives

04:13

Exploring the Importance of Discussing Mortality and End-of-Life Conversations

02:58

Embracing the Concept of Death

03:57

Intro

5min

Embracing Mortality Through Meaningful Conversations

2min

From Law to Life's End

4min

Embracing Mortality: Understanding Death's Role in Life

14min

Exploring Comfort and Consciousness in the Face of Death

6min

Embracing Mortality: The Journey to Enlightenment

12min

Conversations on End-of-Life Choices

4min

Embracing Mortality and Life's Impermanence

11min

Reflections on Life and New Beginnings

4min

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Death isn’t the most appetizing topic, but contemplating mortality can be a massive source of motivation, perspective, and even stress relief. In this episode, life lessons from a death doula, who helps people at the end.

Description:

There seems to be one clear bug in the human operating system — most of us do not like talking about death. Yet when we do talk about it, it can genuinely upgrade the quality of our lives.

Our guest today is Alua Arthur, a former attorney who is now what’s called a death doula, which is someone who helps guide people through the end of their lives. Through this work, she has learned some extraordinary stuff about how to live life right now.

Alua is also the founder of Going with Grace, a death doula training and end-of-life planning organization. Her debut memoir, Briefly Perfectly Human: Making An Authentic Life By Getting Real About the End, will be released on April 16, 2024.

This conversation took place at the 2023 TED Conference in Vancouver, immediately after Alua delivered her triumphant talk, which is out now.

Special thanks to the TED Audio Collective. You can listen to Alua's talk and other TED talks on the TED Talks Daily podcast.

In this episode we talk about:

How death can be a powerful motivator
How consistently being aware that you’re going to die can be a “stress reliever”
The utility of imagining your ideal death
Her view on reincarnation
How the concept of “healing” can sometimes be used as a weapon against ourselves
The importance of not leaving things unsaid
How “hope” at the end of life can sometimes be unhelpful
What surprises her about death
How her work helped her out of her depression
The five steps that you should take when confronting your own death
The harm that can sometimes result from too much medical intervention toward the end of life
The often fraught relationship that vulnerable and marginalized people can have with the medical community
The benefits of thinking about what version of yourself you want to meet on your deathbed
The death meditation that she uses when working with people
What to say and do when you are with somebody who is grieving
And a practice she calls, “The dying things exercise”