In Each Other’s Care: Building & Sustaining Healthy Relationships with Stan Tatkin (212)
Aug 16, 2023
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Stan Tatkin, relationship expert and author, discusses the ins and outs of repair for healthy relationships. Topics include telehealth in therapy, understanding procedural memory, insecure attachment, secure functioning, attachment in polyamorous relationships, healthy interdependence, and the importance of gender inclusivity.
Secure functioning in a relationship involves creating a collaborative system based on shared mission, purpose, and vision.
Face-to-face interaction plays a crucial role in co-regulation, enabling better attunement to each other's needs and emotions.
Deep dives
Building a Secure Functioning Relationship
Secure functioning is based on shared mission, purpose, and vision. Couples often come together based on emotions and feelings, but fail to create a collaborative and cooperative system that guides them in times of stress. In a secure functioning relationship, both partners commit to a system that remains fair, just, mutually sensitive, and cooperative, especially during times of stress.
Co-Regulation and the Importance of Face-to-Face Interaction
Human beings are wired to co-regulate, and face-to-face interaction plays a crucial role in this process. Being in close proximity allows individuals to better attune to one another's needs and emotions. This visual connection enables better regulation of autonomic nervous systems, managing emotional and mental states. Positive and negative states can be amplified through visual cues. While online therapy can be effective, face-to-face interaction is still preferred for optimal regulation and reduced fatigue.
The Importance of Procedural Memory in Relationship Correction
In order to address recurring issues in relationships, partners need to slow down and investigate their interactions. By analyzing and correcting scenes in a relationship, couples can identify errors and explore alternatives to improve communication. Slowing down allows individuals to recognize patterned behaviors, understand their partner's thoughts and reactions, and find ways to change the course of a situation. Replicating scenes and paying attention to body language can help expose and correct mistakes and create new ways of working together.
Secure Functioning in Non-Traditional Relationships
Secure functioning principles can apply to relationships beyond traditional monogamy. Whether in polyamorous relationships or other alternative arrangements, the key is to have a shared purpose, vision, and principles that govern the relationship. All parties involved must agree on the structure and ensure fairness, justice, and mutual sensitivity. Effective communication and continuous adaptation are essential for maintaining secure functioning in these relationships.
Applying the relational sciences to real life is what this podcast is all about - and today's guest is an expert in this area. We've invited Stan Tatkin to return for a discussion on secure relating and healthy interdependence. All humans are complicated creatures and if we spend enough time with each other, it's going to get tense. That part is OK, but what happens after arguing, disconnection or tension is what really matters. www.therapistuncensored.com/212. Join our Neuronerd Community for unique study opportunites at www.therapistuncensored.com/join.
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