173: My Emotional Affair Turned Physical // How I Saved My Marriage After Infidelity - Ben Armstrong

Jun 30, 2025

Ben Armstrong, a pastor who faced a life-altering infidelity, opens up about his journey of radical ownership and rebuilding trust after nearly losing everything—his marriage, kids, and identity. He emphasizes the importance of transparency, accountability, and effective communication in fostering emotional safety. Ben shares the challenges of navigating shame and the healing process, revealing how admitting vulnerability and seeking support transformed his relationship. His story serves as a powerful guide for those looking to strengthen their bonds or heal from betrayal.

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ANECDOTE

The Moment He Came Clean

Ben admitted an emotional affair that turned physical and confessed after feeling conviction in a sermon about living in the light.
He told close leaders, called his dad, and prepared to tell Heather the same day.

ADVICE

Bring Leaders Into The Cleanup Plan

When you get caught, bring accountable leaders into the plan and ask what clean-up looks like.
Let trusted mentors help determine whether you can keep serving while you recover.

ANECDOTE

How The Kids Learned The Truth

Ben described telling his kids age-appropriately and playing the 'I feel' game to surface emotions.
His son Connor said, “I feel like I don't have a dad anymore,” revealing deep family hurt.

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This week on the Brave Co Podcast, I’m joined by one of my dearest friends, Ben Armstrong to dive deep into what it really means to own your mess. Ben was deep in full-time ministry when he disconnected from his wife, and in that void, made one of the gravest mistakes of his life. He walked away with an affair that could have destroyed everything—his marriage, his kids, his ministry, and his identity.

But in admitting the truth and choosing to live in the light, Ben began the toughest journey of his life. Together, they navigated confrontation, shame, weekly counseling, rebuilding trust with their kids, and transparency with their community. Ben’s radical ownership—not excuses—became the foundation for a transformed marriage, and a renewed sense of masculinity grounded in strength, accountability, and faith.

In this episode, we unpack how to own your mess, when to bring others into the healing process, how to navigate the shame cycle, and how real healing happens one consistent step at a time. Whether you’re looking for preventative tools or healing after a betrayal, this is your guide. Press play and lean in—it’s time to become the man your family deserves.

Chapters:
00:00 - Introducing the Brave Co marriage series with Ben & Heather
01:06 - Ben shares the messy truth behind disconnection
04:06 - How a hidden emotional affair turned physical
05:00 - The moment of conviction: living in the light vs. darkness
06:14 - Heather’s reaction: ring thrown, love still present
08:00 - Facing the aftermath: “I thought this was it”
11:11 - The pivotal request: “Give it three months”
14:04 - a son’s devastation: “I feel like I don’t have a dad”
18:09 - Owning the mess with church leadership
24:06 - The long haul: building trust through discipline
30:06 - Breaking shame: owning your story without guilt
35:06 - The healing tool: validating pain without defensiveness
42:03 - Olympic-level communication: practicing curiosity

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ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.