Harvard’s Behaviour Expert: The Psychology Of Why People Don't Like You!

1124 snips

Dec 15, 2025

In this enlightening discussion, Harvard behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks shares insights on conversation dynamics. She reveals a game-changing word that transforms anxiety into peak performance, and introduces her T-A-L-L framework for effective communication. Discover why being overly polite can hurt relationships, and learn the formula for a successful apology. Brooks also emphasizes the importance of validating feelings before disagreements and shares techniques to foster genuine connections, crucial for both personal and professional interactions.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

00:00 / 00:00

Flip Anxiety Into Excitement

Reframe anxiety as excitement by saying “I’m excited” out loud before high-pressure moments.
This shifts attention to opportunities and measurably improves performance in tasks like public speaking and singing.

00:00 / 00:00

Use A Conversational Compass

Use the Conversational Compass to map goals along relationship and information axes.
Plotting goals clarifies trade-offs between connection, persuasion, protection, and savoring.

00:00 / 00:00

Start With Validation

Validate feelings first with phrases like “It makes sense that you feel X about Y.”
Validation lowers defensiveness and opens space to ask curious follow-ups even when you disagree.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Why do your conversations keep going wrong? Harvard behavioural scientist Professor Alison Wood Brooks reveals the SECRETS to better communication, real connection, negotiation skills and difficult conversations!

Professor Alison Wood Brooks is a behavioural scientist with 2 decades of experience in conversational science. She teaches a Harvard course on negotiation and communication, and is the bestselling author of ‘Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves’.

She explains:

◼️The ONE word that transforms anxiety into peak performance

◼️The TALK framework for mastering any conversation

◼️Why being "too polite" is secretly destroying your relationships

◼️Why 99% of apologies fail, and the exact formula that works

◼️The question technique that creates connection with anyone

(00:00) Intro
(02:34) People Need This to Communicate Well
(04:38) Giving Wrong Impressions
(06:23) Being a Better Speaker and Group Conversations
(11:31) Experimenting With Communication Skills With My Identical Twin
(12:40) The Science on How to Reframe Anxiety
(18:47) If You're Nervous, You're More Likely to Make a Bad Decision
(20:16) Asking for a Salary Raise
(24:39) The Conversational Compass
(32:45) How People Should Really Apologize and When It's Too Much
(37:31) The Validation Trick in Any Dispute
(42:00) Don't Do This When You Disagree
(46:19) Stop Doing This During Disagreements
(48:07) How to Be Liked
(50:02) The T-A-L-K Framework
(51:47) Easy Ways to Have More Casual Conversations
(55:13) If You Want to Be Liked, Don't Do This
(59:23) The Importance of Asking in Conversations and Dates
(01:03:27) Never Do This on a Date
(01:07:26) The Meeting Mistake You Shouldn't Make
(01:09:27) Poor Communication Skills May Be Blocking Your Career Growth
(01:12:02) Ads
(01:12:53) The Importance of Kindness in Any Conversation
(01:17:20) When to Incorporate Levity
(01:23:55) The Science Behind Introverts and Extroverts — Is It Real?
(01:27:17) Your Contribution Score in a Conversation
(01:41:59) Ads
(01:43:56) The Male Crisis: Ask These Questions to Make Friends
(01:52:57) 10 Questions to Be Liked
(01:56:42) How to Persuade People and Be a Better Salesperson
(01:58:47) People Confuse Agreement With Listening
(02:09:21) This Is the Only Conversation That Feels Real
(02:14:58) What Happens When Replacing Myself With AI
(02:19:23) Show Your Real Self at Work: Yes or No?
(02:25:14) How to Teach Your Kids to Speak

Follow Alison:

Instagram - https://bit.ly/3YoQOc4

Website - https://bit.ly/4aH172A

TalkStudios - https://bit.ly/3MzbXxF

You can purchase Alison’s book, ‘Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves’, here: https://amzn.to/48Nl8Sv

The Diary Of A CEO:

◼️Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/

◼️Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook

◼️The 1% Diary is back - limited time only: https://bit.ly/3YFbJbt

◼️The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards (Second Edition): https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb

◼️Get email updates - https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt

◼️Follow Steven - https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb

Sponsors:

Wispr - https://wisprflow.ai/DOAC

Shopify - https://shopify.com/bartlett

SimpliSafe - https://simplisafe.com/DOAC to save 50% on a SimpliSafe home security system.

Ketone - https://ketone.com/STEVEN for 30% off your subscription order