#791 - Dr Robert Glover - Why Most Men Fail To Attract A Quality Woman
Jun 1, 2024
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Dr. Robert Glover, a therapist and author known for "No More Mr. Nice Guy," dives into why men struggle to attract quality partners. He explores the balance between self-care and emotional honesty in relationships. Listeners learn about the cycle of emotional isolation and the importance of self-worth. Glover also addresses the allure of the 'nice guy' image and its pitfalls. With practical dating tips for the newly single, especially post-divorce, he emphasizes authenticity and genuine connections in the modern dating landscape.
Prioritize self-compassion over self-criticism for positive change.
Incorporate regular breaks to boost productivity and mental well-being.
Shift from shame and self-criticism towards self-acceptance for personal growth.
Recognize how chronic shame hinders genuine happiness and success.
Embrace being 'outcome agnostic' in dating for a more genuine connection.
Deep dives
Ruminating Brain Patterns
Ruminating brain patterns often lead individuals to dwell on past mistakes, missed opportunities, and regrets, creating self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. This pattern can also involve revising history and imagining unrealistic outcomes, contributing to negative self-perception. Additionally, the ruminating brain tends to measure and compare, leading to constant feelings of being inadequate compared to others. Overcoming these patterns requires practicing mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy to observe thoughts rather than believe them, shifting the focus towards self-compassion and self-acceptance.
Prioritizing Self-Compassion
Focusing on self-compassion and self-acceptance rather than self-criticism and shame is key to fostering positive change. Embracing moments of joy and peace without the need for excessive self-flagellation allows for a healthier approach to accomplishments. Recognizing the internal taskmaster that demands constant productivity and self-criticism enables individuals to step outside this cycle and prioritize self-care and relaxation to enhance overall well-being and productivity.
Benefits of Taking Breaks
Incorporating regular breaks, such as siestas or short relaxation periods throughout the day, can significantly boost productivity and mental well-being. Implementing moments of rest and recharge, like Matthew Hersey's practice of scheduling time for peace, can prevent burnout, enhance focus, and improve overall efficiency. Taking time to do nothing for deliberate periods contributes to a healthier work-life balance and supports sustained performance.
Changing Through Self-Observation
By observing oneself and stepping outside the relentless cycle of self-criticism and high productivity demands, individuals can create space for personal growth and positive change. Engaging in practices that allow for self-compassion and relaxation, such as taking daily breaks or moments of peace, fosters a healthier mindset and enhances overall well-being. Shifting from a place of shame and self-criticism towards self-observation and self-acceptance paves the way for sustainable personal development and improved mental health.
The Influence of Chronic Shame on Behavior
Chronic shame acts as a significant driver behind many individual actions in life. It is highlighted how shame stemming from various sources like cultural, familial, and religious influences can lead to behaviors driven by the need for approval. By exploring the impact of chronic shame, it becomes apparent that it often hinders individuals from genuine happiness and success, instead making them susceptible to control by external factors such as religion and societal norms.
The Notion of Hard Work as a Universal Solution
Hard work is portrayed as a reliable pathway towards achieving success, given its consistent track record of yielding results. The discussion delves into why hard work is commonly pedestralized in various cultures, emphasizing its low failure rate as a driving factor. Despite the sacrifices and challenges associated with hard work, it is considered a foundational element in attaining goals due to its dependable nature in improving outcomes.
Navigating Approval-Seeking Behavior in Dating and Relationships
In the context of dating dynamics, the concept of approval seeking is scrutinized, particularly concerning how men's behavior may be influenced by societal shifts like the #MeToo movement. Insights are shared on how men approach interactions with women, highlighting the delicate balance between receptivity and fear of being perceived as predatory. The discussion challenges traditional approaches to dating and advocates for cultivating genuine connections based on mutual interest and respect, rather than approval-seeking tactics.
Being Confident in Interactions
Confidence in men triggers a positive chemical reaction in women's brains, akin to an immediate physical attraction. This confidence stems from being socially interactive, engaging strangers with genuine interest and maintaining an open, unrestrained demeanor. By consistently approaching various individuals and engaging in meaningful conversations, men can exude a natural charm that appeals to women's innate desire for attention and connection.
Embracing Outcome Agnosticism in Dating
The concept of being 'outcome agnostic' emphasizes detachment from specific relationship outcomes, reducing anxiety and suffering. By embracing flexibility in potential dating scenarios, individuals can navigate interactions without excessive attachment to predefined expectations. This approach allows for serendipitous experiences and personal growth, akin to facing life uncertainties with openness and adaptability, fostering a more relaxed and genuine dating environment.
Dr Robert Glover is a therapist, coach and an author.
Everyone wants a quality partner. Yet both sexes seem to be struggling to find a mate that makes them feel the way they want. Safe, whole, excited, interested, loved. Why is it so hard and what can we do to make it easier?
Expect to learn how you can make your needs a priority, ways you can learn to be authentic, how men can learn to have more self compassion, what men often don’t understand about female attraction, the problem with needing approval from anyone outside of yourself, Robert’s advice for staying out of the friendzone, tips on how to date after a divorce and much more...
