“I Love My Husband. I Also Love My Boyfriend.” How an Open Marriage Really Works

Dec 7, 2025

Deepa Paul, a writer and author of "Ask Me How It Works," discusses her decade in an open marriage with her husband, Marcus. Growing up in a conservative culture, Deepa explores how relocating to Amsterdam awakened her desires. She candidly addresses jealousy, balancing relationships, and parenting within a non-traditional framework. Deepa also shares her journey from covert affairs to open communication and the importance of setting boundaries. As she embraces her multifaceted love life, she reflects on the evolving dynamics and emotional logistics of her relationships.

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ANECDOTE

Open Marriage As A Long-Term Choice

Deepa Paul lived in an open marriage for almost a decade while raising a child with her husband Marcus and also loving a boyfriend.
She frames non-monogamy as an intentional reshaping of her marriage rather than its destruction.

ANECDOTE

Craigslist Sparked Her Curiosity

Deepa discovered Craigslist personals after moving to Amsterdam and used them to explore sexual curiosities she couldn't discuss at home.
Her curiosity about varied sexual experiences drove her initial covert exploration before discussing it with Marcus.

ANECDOTE

Postpartum Encounter Changed Her Body Image

After giving birth, Deepa met a man who desired her postpartum body and this encounter transformed her sense of desirability.
That experience expanded her definition of sexy beyond the narrow beauty standards she grew up with.

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What really happens when you open up your marriage?

This week on No Filter, Kate Langbroek sits down with writer Deepa Paul, whose book Ask Me How It Works chronicles the decade she has spent in an open marriage with her husband, Marcus. While the conversation around open relationships has been everywhere lately, Deepa’s story offers a different perspective. For her, non-monogamy didn’t break her marriage. It reshaped it.

Deepa was raised in the Philippines, where divorce is still illegal and the expectation for women is clear: marry once, stay devoted, stay desirable, stay monogamous. But after moving to Amsterdam with her husband, Deepa discovered a version of herself she’d never had permission to explore. One that included desire, autonomy, and eventually, a boyfriend she also loves deeply.

In this candid conversation, Deepa answers the questions so many people have about open marriage but rarely ask out loud:
How does it work? How do you handle jealousy? What happens when one partner gets more attention? How do you parent inside a non-traditional structure? And what do you do when you fall in love with someone else?

You can follow Deepa Paul here.

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CREDITS:

Guest: Deepa Paul

Host: Kate Langbroek

Executive Producer: Naima Brown

Senior Producer: Bree Player

Audio Producer: Tina Matolov

Video Producer: Josh Green

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