The skills supercommunicators use (and how you can learn them)
Dec 21, 2024
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Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author of Super Communicators, dives into the art of effective communication. He shares insights on becoming a 'super communicator' through active listening and emotional awareness. Duhigg illustrates how asking deep questions can foster genuine connections. He recounts experiences from a former CIA agent, emphasizing authenticity in challenging conversations. The discussion also highlights techniques to bridge divides and create meaningful dialogues, showing that anyone can master these skills.
Super communicators utilize specific techniques, such as asking more profound questions, to create deeper and more engaging dialogues.
Effective communication requires emotional awareness and adaptability to align with the conversation type and avoid misunderstandings.
Deep dives
The Realization of Ineffective Communication
Charles Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist turned manager, faced challenges in communication when he took on a managerial role at the New York Times. Despite his background in effective communication, he found himself struggling to connect with his team and failing to understand the nuances of their conversations. This revelation led him to acknowledge that strong communication skills are not innate but rather a set of learnable techniques. His experiences prompted a deeper investigation into communication strategies and what makes certain individuals, termed 'super communicators,' particularly effective in bridging gaps in conversation.
The Traits of Super Communicators
Super communicators demonstrate a unique set of skills that facilitate connection, which can be learned by anyone. They typically ask significantly more questions than average, often promoting deeper dialogue through phrases that invite others to share more, such as 'Tell me more about that.' Additionally, they express interest through laughter, not merely for humor, but as a way to encourage others to engage. Ultimately, super communicators are distinguished by their sincere desire to connect, which is reflected in their active listening and engagement techniques.
Understanding Conversation Dynamics
Duhigg emphasizes the importance of recognizing the type of conversation being held—whether practical, emotional, or social—so that participants can align their approaches. A lack of alignment often leads to misunderstandings, as illustrated by Duhigg’s own experiences with his wife, where their differing conversation types resulted in frustration. Effective communication involves mirroring the emotional state of the other person to facilitate understanding, rather than strictly adhering to a problem-solving approach. This concept underscores the necessity of emotional awareness and adaptability in conversations.
Developing Deeper Connections through Questions
Asking deep questions can foster more meaningful interactions that extend beyond surface-level discussions. Duhigg highlights research that shows how questions about values, beliefs, or personal experiences can enhance trust and intimacy in relationships. For example, he notes that asking a teenager about their most boring part of school can lead to revealing discussions about friendships and social dynamics. This strategy helps overcome conversational barriers, allowing for richer and more engaging dialogues that ultimately strengthen bonds between individuals.
What do working for the CIA, navigating hot button topics and talking to teenagers all have in common? They're all situations that supercommunicators excel at.
Today, we explore how you can become a supercommunicator too.
This episode was first broadcast in February 2024.