Troubleshooting Agile

"Why" Is a Trigger, Not a Question

Apr 3, 2019
Explore the role of the word 'why' in conversations and how it can spark defensiveness. Discover insights from an FBI negotiator on its effects in negotiations and how to rephrase questions for better dialogue. The hosts emphasize the power of curiosity to improve workplace discussions, promoting empathy and collaboration. Learn about communication triggers and strategies to foster constructive exchanges. Plus, get the scoop on an upcoming conference and the importance of engaging with listener feedback.
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ADVICE

Avoid Directly Asking "Why"

  • Avoid asking "why" directly as it often comes across as an accusation and provokes defensiveness.
  • Instead, use alternatives like "help me understand" or "what was the motivation for" to foster openness.
INSIGHT

Internal "Why" as a Trigger

  • The internal question "why" should be a trigger to seek more information, not a question to blurt out defensively.
  • Convert that internal "why" into genuine curiosity and constructive external questions.
ADVICE

Check for Accusatory Questions

  • Test if your question sounds accusatory by seeing if adding "you idiot" at the end feels normal.
  • Ask questions that don't presume an answer or sound accusatory to show genuine curiosity.
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