Habits and Hustle Episode 515: Erica Komisar: The Parenting Myth Hurting Kids’ Mental Health
Dec 30, 2025
In this insightful discussion, Erica Komisar, a seasoned psychoanalyst and parenting expert, delves into the complexities of modern parenting and its impact on children's mental health. She challenges the traditional notion of "quality time," emphasizing the importance of parental presence. Komisar reveals how stress behaviors in children, like aggression and attention issues, can stem from parental absence. She also discusses how overscheduling can hinder emotional development and outlines effective strategies for nurturing resilience in kids during critical brain development phases.
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Parental Presence Shapes Mental Health
- Modern culture deprioritized essential parental nurturing and harmed children's mental health.
- Erica Komisar argues children need substantial physical and emotional presence to develop resilience.
Show Up Repeatedly, Not Just Occasionally
- Be physically and emotionally present repeatedly; one hour of 'quality time' won't teach moment-to-moment regulation.
- Help children calm distress consistently until around age three to internalize emotion regulation.
Two Critical Windows Of Brain Growth
- Two critical brain-development windows matter: birth–3 (right-brain social-emotional growth) and adolescence (pruning until ~25).
- Absence of secure environments during these windows impairs emotional regulation and executive function.