Life Kit How to repair after a fight with your partner
54 snips
Nov 6, 2025 
Bea Voce, a couples therapist from Austin, shares her expertise on mending relationships after conflicts. She provides a five-step process for effective repair, emphasizing the importance of pausing to regulate emotions before reconnecting. Bea highlights the value of taking turns when sharing feelings and using I-statements for responsible communication. She also explains how to listen with curiosity rather than react defensively. Lastly, she identifies signs that repairs aren't working and when to seek additional support.
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Pause And Regulate First
- Do nothing with your partner immediately after a rupture until you can regulate your emotions.
- Use walks, calls, baths or other calming strategies to return to your window of tolerance first.
Take Turns Speaking
- Share one person's perspective at a time so each person actually hears the other.
- If both are hurt, take turns rather than speaking over each other.
Use I-Statements, Not Blame
- Use I-statements and soft startups when it's your turn to share your hurt.
- Describe how the behavior affected you instead of launching judgments or objective claims.
