Raising Good Humans The Science of Revenge: Understanding and Overcoming Grievances to Raise More Forgiving Kids
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Jun 27, 2025 
James Kimmel Jr., a Yale lecturer and author of The Science of Revenge, dives into the neuroscience behind revenge, exploring how our brains react to perceived grievances. He discusses how these impulses can start cycles of conflict, especially in childhood relationships. Kimmel emphasizes the necessity of teaching kids about forgiveness and emotional regulation to break free from revengeful mindsets. He also shares insights on fostering empathy and guiding children through their feelings of resentment, ultimately advocating for healthier emotional responses.
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Revenge Drives Human Violence
- Revenge is a natural desire to punish someone who has wronged us, rooted in evolutionary adaptation.
- It drives much human violence, often starting from perceived victimization, even from childhood.
Psychological Pain Fuels Revenge
- Psychological harms activate the brain's pain network the same way physical pain does.
- Our brains crave compensatory pleasure, usually wanting the wrongdoer to suffer, which fuels revenge cravings.
Revenge Is an Addiction
- Revenge craving activates brain reward systems similar to addictive substances, causing a dopamine rush and craving for more revenge.
- Acting on revenge leads to negative consequences like more anger, anxiety, and future retaliation, worsening conflict cycles.