This podcast explores the process of grieving an estranged parent, including the challenges of having an estranged parent, healing from childhood trauma, confronting the relationship with an estranged parent, finding support and community, dealing with toxic family members, and navigating childhood trauma and building community.
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Quick takeaways
Finding a community of individuals who have cut off toxic family members can provide validation, support, and help reshape perceptions of love and relationships.
Survivors of childhood trauma face challenges in relearning healthy behaviors and forming relationships, highlighting the importance of therapy, self-evaluation, and recognizing the impact of past experiences.
Deep dives
The Devastating Impact of Unprotected Childhood
The podcast explores the harsh reality of when parents fail to protect their children from harm and dismiss their cries for help, leading to the difficult decision of cutting off family ties. The episode follows the story of a listener, Hailey, who experienced childhood sexual assault by a relative but was met with disbelief and blame when she confided in her father. Despite her efforts to reconnect, their relationship remains toxic, prompting Hailey to grieve over a parent who is still alive. The episode delves into the challenges of seeking validation, navigating complicated family dynamics, and finding healing in a supportive community.
The Importance of Finding a Supportive Community
The podcast highlights the significance of finding a community of individuals who understand the experience of cutting off toxic family members. It emphasizes the power of connecting with others who have gone through similar situations, allowing for validation, emotional support, and the opportunity to reshape perceptions of love and relationships. The conversation touches on the importance of therapy, group settings, and online forums as spaces for individuals to share their stories, process their grief, and learn healthier ways of seeking love and connection.
Healing the Wounds of Childhood Trauma
The episode explores the healing journey of survivors of childhood trauma and the complexities they face in relearning healthy perceptions and behaviors. It delves into the challenge of navigating triggers, self-doubt, and the guilt that often arises when setting boundaries with toxic family members. The discussion highlights the significance of reevaluating perceptions, developing a sense of self, and recognizing the impact of childhood experiences on one's ability to form healthy relationships.
The Complicated Nature of Grief and Closure
The podcast addresses the unique struggle of grieving a parent who is still alive and the lack of societal understanding or established rituals for this type of grieving process. It acknowledges the conflicting emotions that can arise when reminiscing about the good times shared with an abusive or neglectful parent. The episode encourages individuals to embrace their grief and focus on redefining notions of love, acknowledging both the pain caused by a parent and the need for self-compassion and acceptance.
A parent’s main job is to protect. But what happens when your parent doesn’t protect you? What happens when they not only let bad things happen to you, but they doubt and dismiss you when you ask them for help? Our listener, Haylie, decided to go no-contact with her father after multiple attempts to reconcile their relationship. Now she wants to know how to grieve the death of the relationship. On this episode of How To!, Patrick Teahan, licensed clinical social worker and childhood trauma therapist, joins us to explain why cutting off a parent is so difficult, why we grieve these relationships, and how to start healing.
Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.
How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Jabari Butler.