Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field this month's listeners' entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the very deliberate way managers drink their bottled water, a deep dive into amateur-level stud selection, an unfathomable fetish for free kicks into the box that bounce all the way in, the merits of football freestylers, the etiquette of pre-match Sunday League rondos and goalkeepers who look like they've carried the ball out of the box before kicking it from their hands.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel anticipate Richard Keys' TikTok debut and contemplate whether an entire club can be described as "a Rolls-Royce".

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