Episode 230: Why Evangelical Honeymoons Go So Badly feat. Jay Stringer
Mar 28, 2024
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Relationship therapist Jay Stringer discusses the damaging impact of evangelical messages on honeymoons, emphasizing the importance of mutual care in sexual relationships. The podcast challenges harmful marriage advice and explores societal pressures on women's desires, highlighting the need for therapy and sexual education. It critiques evangelical notions of forgiveness and differentiation, emphasizing the dangers of unqualified pastors providing counseling on abusive issues. The conversation delves into the impact of evangelical messaging on marriages, promoting healthy beginnings and seeking expertise for better guidance.
Evangelical sex teachings perpetuate harmful beliefs like men not needing emotional connection for sex, leading to entitlement and dissatisfaction.
Untrained pastors can propagate harmful beliefs on sex and marriage, highlighting the need for professional guidance in addressing sensitive topics.
A holistic approach is essential to understand the intersection of culture, faith, and sexuality, challenging harmful narratives to promote healthier relationships and well-being.
Deep dives
The Harmful Messages in Evangelical Sex Teachings
Evangelical sex teachings often perpetuate harmful beliefs and behaviors. Messages like men not needing emotional connection for sex while women need emotional intimacy before physical intimacy can lead to entitlement, lack of desire, and low window of tolerance. These teachings overlook individual desires and promote underdevelopment and emotional fusion in couples, leading to conflicts and dissatisfaction.
Impact of Untrained Pastors Addressing Sensitive Topics
Untrained pastors speaking on topics like sex or marriage can inadvertently propagate harmful beliefs and responses. This lack of expertise can lead to misrepresentations of healthy relationships and responses to abuse. Pastors should recognize their limitations and seek guidance from professionals in fields they are not equipped to address.
Need for Holistic Approach to Address Culture and Sexuality
A holistic approach is required to understand the intersection of culture, faith, and sexuality. Addressing individual and relational issues alongside cultural influences like evangelical teachings can provide a more comprehensive understanding of sexual behaviors. It's essential to challenge and reframe harmful narratives to promote healthier relationships and sexual well-being.
Role of Therapists in Addressing Sexual Trauma and Attachment
Therapists play a crucial role in helping individuals navigate sexual trauma, attachment issues, and cultural influences on sexuality. By providing a safe space for exploration, therapists can assist in reframing harmful beliefs and behaviors. Understanding the impact of family of origin, trauma, and cultural messaging is key in fostering healthier sexual relationships.
Promoting Healthy Dialogue on Sexuality and Faith
Encouraging open and informed conversations about sexuality in relation to faith can lead to healthier outcomes. By challenging harmful beliefs, promoting self-awareness, and seeking professional guidance where needed, individuals can develop a more positive perspective on sex and relationships. Addressing cultural, familial, and religious influences is vital in shaping healthy attitudes toward sexuality.
Recently Texas SBC megachurch pastor Josh Howerton told brides that on the wedding night, they should "stand where he wants you to stand, wear what he wants you to wear, and do what he wants you to do." Sex was presented as something that HE has been waiting for his whole life, and that she has to provide. There was no emphasis on how she actually has greater need to be cared for sexually, if you're going to begin well, than he does. Jay Stringer joins us today to talk about how the conversation around sex often leads to couples starting off badly--and also allows men to not have to grow up or do the work of being mature, emotionally healthy people.
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