Sasha Raskin, founder of A Beautiful Mess (ABM), discusses topics such as toxic positivity, gaslighting, and the challenges victims face in coming forward after sexual assault. They explore the empowering impact of sharing personal stories, the tendency of society to tolerate abusive behavior, and the complexities of assault and rape. The chapter also highlights the importance of inclusive work environments and the need for better education on consent and trauma.
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Quick takeaways
Toxic positivity culture and gaslighting contribute to the reluctance of individuals to discuss their mental health challenges.
The reasons women don't come forward after experiencing sexual assault are complex, including social conditioning, shame, denial, and fear of retaliation.
Misconceptions surrounding consent and the freeze or fawn response highlight the need for ongoing conversations to foster a healthier and more empathetic society.
Deep dives
The Beautiful Mess: Promoting Mental Wellness
Sasha Raskin runs an organization called The Beautiful Mess, which focuses on combatting loneliness, depression, and mental health stigma. The organization hosts talks and events for corporations and private groups, promoting emotional resilience and a sense of camaraderie. Sasha's personal struggle with high-functioning depression led him to start the organization and create spaces where people can openly discuss mental health without stigma.
Toxic Positivity and Gaslighting in Society
Toxic positivity culture and gaslighting contribute to the reluctance of individuals to discuss their mental health challenges. Society often dismisses or responds with cliche, glib, or dismissive statements when people share their struggles. This toxic culture invalidates their experiences and leaves them feeling isolated. The focus on self-care and individual responsibility fails to address the systemic issues that contribute to mental health issues. Gaslighting, which involves making someone question their reality, is pervasive in personal, interpersonal, and collective levels. Victims of abuse or assault are often discredited or blamed, adding to their reluctance to come forward.
Reasons Women Don't Come Forward After Assault
The reasons women don't come forward after experiencing sexual assault or rape are complex. Victims may not realize they were assaulted due to social conditioning and toxic societal norms. Shame, denial, and embarrassment can lead survivors to bury their experiences and pretend everything is okay. Fear of retaliation and concerns for personal safety also play a significant role. The power dynamics involved and the potential for abusers to discredit victims further contribute to their silence. Additionally, victims may stay in contact with their abusers due to various reasons, such as cognitive dissonance, attempts to reclaim power, and the lack of feasible alternatives in situations where abusers are part of their social or work circles.
Challenging Misconceptions and Understanding Consent
Misconceptions surrounding consent often undermine discussions about rape and assault. The idea that consent can be withdrawn or that enthusiastic consent is essential is poorly understood. Freeze and fawn responses, including freezing, fawning, or giving in, are common survival instincts in threatening situations. The societal understanding of trauma and consent needs further education, and enthusiastic consent should be an essential part of sexual education. These nuanced topics require a deeper understanding and ongoing conversations to foster a healthier and more empathetic society.
Importance of Safety Measures for Women
The podcast episode discusses the safety measures women often have to take to protect themselves from unwanted advances. One example mentioned is providing a fake phone number that rings on their actual phone, allowing them to escape uncomfortable situations. The podcast highlights the need for awareness and understanding of the dangers women face when saying no, and emphasizes the importance of supporting women in these situations.
Understanding Intergenerational Trauma
The podcast delves into the concept of intergenerational trauma and how it impacts individuals and societies. It explains that trauma can be passed down through generations, shaping behavior and responses to certain situations. An example cited is the historical mistreatment of women in patriarchal societies, which has likely left a lasting impact on women's ability to assert boundaries and say no. The conversation also touches on the need for both men and women to work towards dismantling harmful societal norms and providing support for survivors.
When does positivity become toxic? When is it appropriate (or not) to give advice? Can depression really be healed without systemic changes? What are some ways that society at large gaslights people? Why do women sometimes not come forward after sexual assault? What is "freeze or faun"? Do men suffer as much under patriarchy as women?
Sasha Raskin is the Founder of A Beautiful Mess (ABM), a mental health organization that runs corporate talks and events to combat loneliness, depression, and mental health stigma, while fostering connection, intimacy, and equality. She founded ABM to be the resource she wished she had when she was struggling the most. You can learn more about her story here. For her mental health work, she has delivered talks for platforms ranging from Venture University to The World Economic Forum's Global Shapers Community; she has been named a Young Social Impact Hero by Thrive Global in partnership with Authority Magazine; and she'll be delivering a TEDx talk shortly titled, "The Other Pandemic: We Must End Mental Health Stigma Now".
Sasha also asked us to include this in the show notes:
A BEAUTIFUL MESS believes that mental health is a human right and accordingly, no one is turned away from public events for lack of funds. We also offer free resources whenever possible. A lot goes into this work so please consider supporting our mission financially. It is greatly appreciated!
Venmo: @Sasha-Raskin
Paypal: araskin11@gmail.com
Cash App: $abeautifulmessorg
Zelle: araskin11@gmail.com
Additionally, we'd LOVE to collaborate with you and your company. You can reach us / schedule a free consultation call here: