Moment 150: The REAL (& Usually Unseen) Reason You’re Struggling With Love & Relationships!: Logan Ury
Feb 23, 2024
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Logan Ury, a relationship expert and behavioral scientist, sheds light on attachment styles and their impact on love. She explains how these styles shape our dating patterns and emotional triggers, prompting us to push partners away. Importantly, she reveals that 25% of people can change their attachment style by identifying triggers and practicing self-awareness. Ury also discusses navigating modern digital relationships and the power of vulnerability in fostering deep connections, reminding us that understanding ourselves is key to finding lasting love.
Understanding attachment styles helps in overcoming relationship struggles by recognizing triggers and changing behaviors.
Embracing vulnerability and self-awareness can enhance relationship quality by fostering deeper connections and mutual understanding.
Deep dives
Understanding Avoidant Attachment Behavior
Avoidant attachment behavior involves triggers followed by deactivating strategies where individuals push emotional connections away. This leads to protest behaviors like snapping or abruptly ending interactions. Overcoming this behavior includes being clear about one's needs, focusing on positive traits instead of flaws, and working on self-regulation to prevent entering the danger zone.
Origins of Avoidant Attachment Style
The attachment styles like avoidant attachment may stem from childhood experiences with caregivers but can also be influenced by societal factors and individual biological reasons. It is emphasized not to solely blame parents for one's attachment style but to understand that various elements contribute to it. Research shows that about 25% of individuals can change their attachment style through self-awareness and managing triggering situations.
Embracing Vulnerability for Relationship Success
Vulnerability plays a crucial role in forming connections and bridging emotional gaps in relationships. People with low self-esteem may struggle to be vulnerable, opting for a facade of perfection, hindering genuine connections. Learning to embrace vulnerability, acknowledge imperfections, and share real struggles fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding, ultimately enhancing relationship quality.
In this moment, relationship expert and behavioural scientist, Logan Ury discusses what she thinks is the most important part out of all of relationship science: attachment styles. Logan says these styles help you to understand yourself, your previous dating patterns, and who you are attracted to. Our attachment style also explains we are triggered to push people away, as our brains create negative thoughts and look for flaws in a person as an unconscious way of protecting us from getting hurt. However, Logan says that it is possible for 25% of us to change our attachment style. She says this can be done in 2 parts: firstly by understanding your style of attachment, and secondly, by understanding your unconscious triggers you can override them in order to get out of your own way in finding love.