Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques

179. Finding Positive in Negative Emotions: Communication, Happiness & Wellbeing

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Jan 21, 2025

Laurie Santos, a Yale psychology professor and host of The Happiness Lab, chats with Matt Abrahams about the dual nature of happiness. They discuss the importance of both joy in daily life and a sense of purpose. Santos emphasizes that negative emotions are essential for growth, urging listeners to embrace them rather than shy away. The conversation also highlights the power of gratitude in nurturing relationships and effective communication, while touching on the impact of technology on emotional connections.

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INSIGHT

Two-Part Happiness

Laurie Santos defines happiness as having two parts: being happy in your life and happy with your life.
Being happy in your life involves positive emotions, while being happy with your life relates to fulfillment and purpose.

INSIGHT

Value of Negative Emotions

Negative emotions are crucial; they signal necessary behavioral changes, similar to a car's engine light.
Ignoring negative emotions like sadness or anger can lead to worse problems later.

ADVICE

Distanced Self-Talk

Quiet negative self-talk by using distanced self-talk (second or third person).
Referring to yourself by name creates psychological distance, promoting kinder self-communication.

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A double definition of happiness — and how to cultivate both parts.

The new year gives us an opportunity to reflect on who we are and who we want to be. As we set resolutions and prepare for evolutions, this special four-part series on communication, happiness, and well-being explores practical ways to enhance our lives through better communication, deeper connections, and more meaningful choices.

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to happiness, but according to Laurie Santos, everyone needs the two key components of contentment and fulfillment — or as she puts it, being happy in your life and happy with your life.

“Being happy in your life [means] your life is filled with joy,” explains Santos, a Yale psychology professor and host of The Happiness Lab podcast. This felt sense of happiness — enjoying where we are, what we do, and who we’re with — is essential, but it’s not the only piece of the puzzle. Being happy with your life, she says, is the belief that “your life is going well. Being happy with your life gets closer to things like fulfillment and purpose.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Santos joins Matt Abrahams to explore how to cultivate both sides of her happiness equation, from building deeper connections with others to transforming the ways we communicate with ourselves.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/ThinkFast and get ten percent off your first month.

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Chapters:

(00:00) - Introduction
(02:08) - Defining Happiness
(03:21) - The Role of Negative Emotions
(04:54) - Balancing Negative and Positive Emotions
(05:45) - Positive Communication
(07:18) - Improving Self-Talk
(09:50) - Deepening Conversations
(11:04) - Navigating Difficult Conversations
(12:39) - The Power of Gratitude
(15:15) - Technology and Wellbeing
(18:33) - The Final Three Questions
(22:35) - Conclusion

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