447 SelfWork: Seven Ways Conflict Can Work For You

May 23, 2025

Conflict can actually enhance intimacy in relationships. Avoiding tough conversations only creates distance. Discover seven common excuses that prevent resolution and how to tackle them effectively. Emphasizing communication and mutual respect is key to navigating these challenges. Embracing conflict can foster deeper emotional connections and understanding. Learn to engage in meaningful dialogue that not only resolves disputes but also strengthens your partnership.

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ADVICE

Agree To Disagree Carefully

Agreeing to disagree only works if both parties can truly let go of needing to be right.
Mutual respect and the ability to move on without bitterness are essential for this approach.

ADVICE

Break Repetitive Arguments

Try taking your partner's side in an argument to gain new insight and empathy.
Commit to different conversations by taking breaks if you find yourself repeating the same points.

INSIGHT

Value Different Perspectives

Each person's perspective is real and valid, nobody holds the absolute truth in conflicts.
Understanding your partner's viewpoint can transform the dynamics of disagreement.

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Conflict can work for you and help you create more intimacy in your relationship.

I’ve worked with so many couples on how to work through conflict. And there are definite things to do and things not to do. As I said in the last episode (which you might want to listen to if you haven’t..) a relationship that avoids conflict, where one or both people don’t talk about the elephant in the room, is also avoiding (or not creating) intimacy. If they sense conflict, one or both will change the subject. Or there’ll never seem to be time for “that thing we’ve been saying we need to talk about.”

Today we’re going to address seven excuses or justifications (or what may be wrongly called “reasons”) how conflict sticks around – and doesn’t get worked through. And we’ll also focus on how to realistically approach conflict in ways that promote greater understanding and intimacy.

Vital Links:

Difficulty with apathy in a relationship

Harvard Article on conflict resolution

The Visibility Gap Podcast

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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to camouflage underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by anyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

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