E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire

Aug 28, 2025

Navigating intimacy after childbirth can be a rollercoaster. Couples often face unexpected challenges, like feeling disconnected and overwhelmed. They discuss the pressure of being 'cleared' for sex and the reality that readiness can vary. Pain during intimacy, body image insecurities, and the struggle to rekindle romance are all addressed. Listeners receive practical advice on communication and gradual reconnection, reminding them that intimacy is about emotional bonds, not just physical moments.

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INSIGHT

Six-Week Clearance Is Not A Full-Return

The six-week medical clearance is mostly a minimal physical safety check, not emotional readiness or pleasure assurance.
Vanessa Marin warns it often sets unrealistic expectations for restarting sex after birth.

INSIGHT

Parenting Creates Structural Inequality

Babies create unavoidable caregiving asymmetries that change relationship roles and capacity.
Xander and Vanessa note mental-load and sleep differences widen postpartum strain between partners.

ADVICE

Protect Your Relationship With Rituals

Build small rituals and routines focused on connection, like a daily hug, kiss, or brief check-in.
Ritualize relationship time weekly or daily to protect intimacy amid survival mode.

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The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through.

Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes.

And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected:

Resentment toward your partner
A crushing imbalance in the mental load
Feeling “touched out” 24/7
Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again
Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same
The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months

In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners.

💛 Here’s what we’re covering:

Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready
How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate
What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery
Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers
How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy
Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth
The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired

Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other.

👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to.

From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic.

A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok.

Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids

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