Pillow Talks
Vanessa & Xander Marin
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Jan 29, 2026 • 1h 3min
E245: What It’s Really Like to Start TRT: Xander’s Testosterone Journey
A personal testosterone journey that covers why low energy became impossible to ignore and how sobriety revealed a new baseline. They walk through functional medicine testing, confusing “normal” ranges, and lifestyle tweaks that fell short. Treatment paths are compared—creams, Clomid, injections—and the realities of injections, costs, fertility risks, and mood and body changes are discussed.
12 snips
Jan 22, 2026 • 49min
E244: How To Schedule Sex (our hot take)
Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but it can actually enhance intimacy. The hosts bust myths around spontaneity and explain how planning can reduce anxiety and boost excitement. They delve into the benefits of setting special nights, building anticipation, and taking turns in leading the plans. Discover how prioritizing earlier in the evening can invigorate your love life and why scheduling doesn't stifle spontaneity but can create more of it. It's all about making intimacy feel intentional and fun!
11 snips
Jan 15, 2026 • 60min
E243: Your Biggest Marriage Regrets (And How To Prevent Them)
Marriage regrets often creep in quietly, like feeling more like roommates than partners. Boundaries with extended family can unknowingly damage relationships. Sexual rejection can lead to emotional shutdown, while losing your individual identity in a partnership is a common pitfall. Work and kids often overshadow connection, making couples feel stuck. The hosts emphasize the importance of addressing sexual incompatibility and reinvigorating fun in relationships, offering practical ways to refresh and connect.
Jan 8, 2026 • 1h 4min
E242: Penis Performance Problems: What’s Really Going On (And What To Do About It)
Explore the common but misunderstood issues surrounding erectile dysfunction and performance anxiety. Discover the surprising effects of long-term porn use and how stress and aging can impact erections. Learn about the emotional implications of these challenges and how they affect relationships. Gain insights into how to compassionately address concerns with a partner and the potential role of testosterone in libido and performance. With practical tips and support strategies, this conversation aims to foster closeness and understanding.
Jan 1, 2026 • 35min
E241: Sex Fails: Car Hookups, Clap Lights, and Cowgirl Concussions
Get ready for a wild ride through the hilarious and chaotic realm of sex fails! Prepare for melted chocolate mishaps, clapping lights that ruin the mood, and a mouth-numbing condom incident. There's a naked car hookup that almost turned public, and a New Year’s Eve combo of drool and a fart that had everyone laughing. Plus, hear about the dramatic search for a lost condom and the unforgettable cowgirl concussion. These stories remind us that when it comes to intimacy, chaos and laughter often go hand in hand!
Dec 23, 2025 • 1h 11min
E240: The Body Confidence Episode - How To Feel Good In Your Skin During Sex
This conversation emphasizes the importance of body confidence during intimacy, revealing how cultural conditioning can skew perceptions in the bedroom. Polls show women often feel more self-conscious than men, with common worries ranging from body shape to postpartum changes. Practical tips include reframing body image, focusing on pleasure, and communicating insecurities with partners. Daily rituals and self-kindness are highlighted as ways to cultivate an empowering relationship with your body, enhancing overall intimacy and enjoyment.
Dec 18, 2025 • 1h 9min
E239: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt. 3)
Text fights can escalate quickly, exposing deeper communication patterns. The hosts explore how written exchanges reveal true feelings and expectations. They emphasize the importance of validating responses and express how desire should be communicated with care. The conversation highlights the need for explicit communication to avoid misunderstandings and improve intimacy. Listeners gain insights into navigating emotional disconnects and fostering curiosity for healthier interactions in relationships.
Dec 11, 2025 • 1h 5min
E238: Ask a Sex Therapist: Cycle Libido, Rough Sex & How to Sync Up Your O’s
Discover the complexities of libido and orgasms in intimate relationships. Learn why many women find partnered orgasms challenging and how to reframe the experience as exploration, not a chore. Explore the impacts of menstrual cycles on desire and how mismatched sexual styles can be navigated. Find answers to common concerns like genital swelling post-sex and tips for achieving simultaneous orgasms. Gain insights to enhance intimacy without pressure, fostering deeper connections and understanding.
4 snips
Dec 4, 2025 • 1h 1min
E237: The Real Reason You’re Not Having More Sex
Discover the real reasons behind low libido, which extend beyond mere biological factors. Communication is highlighted as a key component for enhancing intimacy and desire. The mental load of daily life can sap sexual energy, but practical strategies can help rekindle connection. Learn about spontaneous versus responsive desire and how to initiate sex effectively for both types. Improved techniques and daily emotional connections can make sex more fulfilling and desirable. Remember, there's always a path back to closeness.
Nov 27, 2025 • 47min
E236: Sex with Other People…Around: Our Holiday Do’s and Don’ts
The holiday season brings joy and, awkwardly, the challenge of sneaky intimacy. The hosts share hilarious and relatable tips for having sex when guests are around, including stealth-mode strategies and personal experiences. They discuss the etiquette of ‘guest sex’ and common pitfalls like thin walls and noisy beds. Fun listener stories add to the humor, along with great advice on creative solutions and privacy during family visits. It’s a lighthearted survival guide for maintaining connection amidst holiday chaos!
