Pillow Talks
Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Oct 30, 2025 • 1h 4min
E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition
Get ready for a delightfully spooky journey that blends the weird and the sexy. From bizarre bedroom antics like holding water in your mouth during intimate moments to playful mummy wrapping with toilet paper, they explore it all. Experimentation is key, even when things go hilariously wrong! The hosts tackle light-hearted challenges, like switching positions every 60 seconds and sexting just a few feet apart. Laughter emerges as the sexiest ingredient, encouraging couples to embrace fun and deeper connection.
Oct 23, 2025 • 1h 18min
E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)
Vanessa shares an honest update about her father's health journey with cancer. The discussion reveals the emotional complexities of caregiving and the importance of self-care during tough times. They delve into navigating grief while maintaining intimacy and connection as a couple. Listeners hear about practical self-care habits that help them stay grounded and the necessity of finding joy amidst hardship. The conversation emphasizes the shared reality of relationships during crises and the significance of openly processing feelings.
Oct 16, 2025 • 1h 2min
E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It)
Dive into the awkwardness of oral sex and discover why many struggle to enjoy it fully. From concerns about scent to feeling present, the hosts tackle insecurities head-on. Get tips on enhancing physical sensations and communicating preferences with your partner. Learn that not every moment needs to lead to orgasm, and understand how to shift the focus during intimacy. With practical suggestions and a no-shame approach, this conversation aims to make oral feel genuinely pleasurable and liberating.
Oct 9, 2025 • 1h 6min
E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes
Dive into tantalizing topics like why some guys are passionate about swallowing and what that reveals about intimacy. Explore the tricky dynamics of 'lasting too long' during sex and how to communicate desires without referencing an ex. Learn how to tackle fetishes and the importance of addressing erectile dysfunction compassionately. Plus, discover ways to make scheduling sex more natural and reclaim a healthy sex life after trauma. Expect real questions and expert advice in this revealing conversation!
Oct 2, 2025 • 1h 6min
E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.)
Ever found yourself in a text fight? The hosts break down a real-life tussle between a couple dealing with mismatched sex drives and parenting pressures. They discuss why texting escalates arguments and how to communicate emotions without blame. Tips include expressing hurt feelings gently, validating your partner, and avoiding dramatic threats. With insights on creating intimacy instead of conflict, this conversation is a treasure trove for anyone navigating relationship challenges.
5 snips
Sep 25, 2025 • 1h 1min
E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right
Discover the secrets to transforming your initiation game in the bedroom! Learn common mistakes couples make and how to share the excitement instead of piling on the pressure. Get practical tips to keep things flirty and fun, and find out why timing can make or break the moment. Explore the emotional connection needed before intimacy and the importance of mutual respect in initiating. Say goodbye to awkward signals and hello to a more connected, vibrant sex life!
5 snips
Sep 18, 2025 • 1h 5min
E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay
Many crave more foreplay, often feeling it's too routine or brief. Discover why redefining foreplay can enhance intimacy and enjoyment, especially for women's pleasure. Learn tips on how to communicate desires without hurting feelings. Explore diverse types of foreplay, from sensory play to choreplay, and uncover ideas for breaking out of a foreplay rut. Listen in for strategies to handle mismatched desires and how to discuss fantasies comfortably. Foreplay is not just a warm-up; it can be a thrilling part of your sex life!
7 snips
Sep 11, 2025 • 1h 4min
E225: The Truth About Sex and Aging: Menopause, Erectile Dysfunction, and Libido
Aging doesn’t have to dull your sex life! This lively discussion tackles how libido shifts with age, debunks myths about sexual desire, and offers tips for maintaining intimacy through the years. Listeners learn about navigating menopause, managing changes in body image, and creative ways to keep the spark alive. Humorous stories and listener messages reveal that many find sex more fulfilling with age. Plus, expert advice helps couples embrace their evolving bodies and desires. It’s all about celebrating sexuality at any stage!
Sep 4, 2025 • 1h 5min
E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools
Dive into the world of bedroom toys without shame! Learn about the best starter toys for women and how to have those tricky conversations with your partner. Discover the differences between solo and partnered play, plus how to safely store your toys from prying eyes. Enjoy hilarious real-life mishaps that many can relate to. Whether you're curious about male sex toys or just need a good laugh, this discussion covers it all while promoting intimacy and pleasure!
Aug 28, 2025 • 1h 6min
E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire
Navigating intimacy after childbirth can be a rollercoaster. Couples often face unexpected challenges, like feeling disconnected and overwhelmed. They discuss the pressure of being 'cleared' for sex and the reality that readiness can vary. Pain during intimacy, body image insecurities, and the struggle to rekindle romance are all addressed. Listeners receive practical advice on communication and gradual reconnection, reminding them that intimacy is about emotional bonds, not just physical moments.
