Pillow Talks
Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Nov 20, 2025 • 56min
E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)
Discover how phones are impacting intimacy more than you think. The hosts challenge themselves to a tech detox before intimacy, revealing surprising effects on connection. They share listeners’ stories of phone distractions in relationships and explore how distractions can breed resentment. Learn practical phone boundaries and the benefits of focused time together. With results including increased playfulness and daily intimacy, this discussion highlights the importance of prioritizing relationships over screens.
Nov 13, 2025 • 1h 2min
E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)
In this lively discussion, the hosts tackle relationship controversies like whether to share phone passwords and the reasonable boundaries of clothing choices. They humorously dissect everyday arguments, from punctuality preferences to unpacking habits after trips. The episode dives into more intimate topics, weighing the pros and cons of period sex and kissing post-oral, all while maintaining a light-hearted tone. Listeners are not only entertained but also offered insights into avoiding common relationship pitfalls.
Nov 6, 2025 • 58min
E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)
Discover the 'F*** First Rule' to prioritize connection early in your day. Uncover the 'Bristle Reaction' and learn to enhance non-sexual touch for intimacy. Explore desire types—spontaneous vs. responsive—to tackle mismatched libidos effectively. Hear about the nightly makeout ritual that rekindles affection without pressure. Plus, address the emotional-physical conundrum that affects many couples, and why 'boring' sex is more about context than libido. This is your ultimate guide to elevating your sex life!
Oct 30, 2025 • 1h 4min
E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition
Get ready for a delightfully spooky journey that blends the weird and the sexy. From bizarre bedroom antics like holding water in your mouth during intimate moments to playful mummy wrapping with toilet paper, they explore it all. Experimentation is key, even when things go hilariously wrong! The hosts tackle light-hearted challenges, like switching positions every 60 seconds and sexting just a few feet apart. Laughter emerges as the sexiest ingredient, encouraging couples to embrace fun and deeper connection.
Oct 23, 2025 • 1h 18min
E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)
Vanessa shares an honest update about her father's health journey with cancer. The discussion reveals the emotional complexities of caregiving and the importance of self-care during tough times. They delve into navigating grief while maintaining intimacy and connection as a couple. Listeners hear about practical self-care habits that help them stay grounded and the necessity of finding joy amidst hardship. The conversation emphasizes the shared reality of relationships during crises and the significance of openly processing feelings.
Oct 16, 2025 • 1h 2min
E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It)
Dive into the awkwardness of oral sex and discover why many struggle to enjoy it fully. From concerns about scent to feeling present, the hosts tackle insecurities head-on. Get tips on enhancing physical sensations and communicating preferences with your partner. Learn that not every moment needs to lead to orgasm, and understand how to shift the focus during intimacy. With practical suggestions and a no-shame approach, this conversation aims to make oral feel genuinely pleasurable and liberating.
Oct 9, 2025 • 1h 6min
E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes
Dive into tantalizing topics like why some guys are passionate about swallowing and what that reveals about intimacy. Explore the tricky dynamics of 'lasting too long' during sex and how to communicate desires without referencing an ex. Learn how to tackle fetishes and the importance of addressing erectile dysfunction compassionately. Plus, discover ways to make scheduling sex more natural and reclaim a healthy sex life after trauma. Expect real questions and expert advice in this revealing conversation!
Oct 2, 2025 • 1h 6min
E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.)
Ever found yourself in a text fight? The hosts break down a real-life tussle between a couple dealing with mismatched sex drives and parenting pressures. They discuss why texting escalates arguments and how to communicate emotions without blame. Tips include expressing hurt feelings gently, validating your partner, and avoiding dramatic threats. With insights on creating intimacy instead of conflict, this conversation is a treasure trove for anyone navigating relationship challenges.
24 snips
Sep 25, 2025 • 1h 1min
E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right
Discover the secrets to transforming your initiation game in the bedroom! Learn common mistakes couples make and how to share the excitement instead of piling on the pressure. Get practical tips to keep things flirty and fun, and find out why timing can make or break the moment. Explore the emotional connection needed before intimacy and the importance of mutual respect in initiating. Say goodbye to awkward signals and hello to a more connected, vibrant sex life!
5 snips
Sep 18, 2025 • 1h 5min
E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay
Many crave more foreplay, often feeling it's too routine or brief. Discover why redefining foreplay can enhance intimacy and enjoyment, especially for women's pleasure. Learn tips on how to communicate desires without hurting feelings. Explore diverse types of foreplay, from sensory play to choreplay, and uncover ideas for breaking out of a foreplay rut. Listen in for strategies to handle mismatched desires and how to discuss fantasies comfortably. Foreplay is not just a warm-up; it can be a thrilling part of your sex life!
