Pillow Talks
Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
Episodes
Mentioned books
Dec 11, 2025 • 1h 5min
E238: Ask a Sex Therapist: Cycle Libido, Rough Sex & How to Sync Up Your O’s
Discover the complexities of libido and orgasms in intimate relationships. Learn why many women find partnered orgasms challenging and how to reframe the experience as exploration, not a chore. Explore the impacts of menstrual cycles on desire and how mismatched sexual styles can be navigated. Find answers to common concerns like genital swelling post-sex and tips for achieving simultaneous orgasms. Gain insights to enhance intimacy without pressure, fostering deeper connections and understanding.
4 snips
Dec 4, 2025 • 1h 1min
E237: The Real Reason You’re Not Having More Sex
Discover the real reasons behind low libido, which extend beyond mere biological factors. Communication is highlighted as a key component for enhancing intimacy and desire. The mental load of daily life can sap sexual energy, but practical strategies can help rekindle connection. Learn about spontaneous versus responsive desire and how to initiate sex effectively for both types. Improved techniques and daily emotional connections can make sex more fulfilling and desirable. Remember, there's always a path back to closeness.
Nov 27, 2025 • 47min
E236: Sex with Other People…Around: Our Holiday Do’s and Don’ts
The holiday season brings joy and, awkwardly, the challenge of sneaky intimacy. The hosts share hilarious and relatable tips for having sex when guests are around, including stealth-mode strategies and personal experiences. They discuss the etiquette of ‘guest sex’ and common pitfalls like thin walls and noisy beds. Fun listener stories add to the humor, along with great advice on creative solutions and privacy during family visits. It’s a lighthearted survival guide for maintaining connection amidst holiday chaos!
20 snips
Nov 20, 2025 • 56min
E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)
Discover how phones are impacting intimacy more than you think. The hosts challenge themselves to a tech detox before intimacy, revealing surprising effects on connection. They share listeners’ stories of phone distractions in relationships and explore how distractions can breed resentment. Learn practical phone boundaries and the benefits of focused time together. With results including increased playfulness and daily intimacy, this discussion highlights the importance of prioritizing relationships over screens.
Nov 13, 2025 • 1h 2min
E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)
In this lively discussion, the hosts tackle relationship controversies like whether to share phone passwords and the reasonable boundaries of clothing choices. They humorously dissect everyday arguments, from punctuality preferences to unpacking habits after trips. The episode dives into more intimate topics, weighing the pros and cons of period sex and kissing post-oral, all while maintaining a light-hearted tone. Listeners are not only entertained but also offered insights into avoiding common relationship pitfalls.
Nov 6, 2025 • 58min
E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)
Discover the 'F*** First Rule' to prioritize connection early in your day. Uncover the 'Bristle Reaction' and learn to enhance non-sexual touch for intimacy. Explore desire types—spontaneous vs. responsive—to tackle mismatched libidos effectively. Hear about the nightly makeout ritual that rekindles affection without pressure. Plus, address the emotional-physical conundrum that affects many couples, and why 'boring' sex is more about context than libido. This is your ultimate guide to elevating your sex life!
Oct 30, 2025 • 1h 4min
E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition
Get ready for a delightfully spooky journey that blends the weird and the sexy. From bizarre bedroom antics like holding water in your mouth during intimate moments to playful mummy wrapping with toilet paper, they explore it all. Experimentation is key, even when things go hilariously wrong! The hosts tackle light-hearted challenges, like switching positions every 60 seconds and sexting just a few feet apart. Laughter emerges as the sexiest ingredient, encouraging couples to embrace fun and deeper connection.
Oct 23, 2025 • 1h 18min
E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)
Vanessa shares an honest update about her father's health journey with cancer. The discussion reveals the emotional complexities of caregiving and the importance of self-care during tough times. They delve into navigating grief while maintaining intimacy and connection as a couple. Listeners hear about practical self-care habits that help them stay grounded and the necessity of finding joy amidst hardship. The conversation emphasizes the shared reality of relationships during crises and the significance of openly processing feelings.
Oct 16, 2025 • 1h 2min
E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It)
Dive into the awkwardness of oral sex and discover why many struggle to enjoy it fully. From concerns about scent to feeling present, the hosts tackle insecurities head-on. Get tips on enhancing physical sensations and communicating preferences with your partner. Learn that not every moment needs to lead to orgasm, and understand how to shift the focus during intimacy. With practical suggestions and a no-shame approach, this conversation aims to make oral feel genuinely pleasurable and liberating.
Oct 9, 2025 • 1h 6min
E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes
Dive into tantalizing topics like why some guys are passionate about swallowing and what that reveals about intimacy. Explore the tricky dynamics of 'lasting too long' during sex and how to communicate desires without referencing an ex. Learn how to tackle fetishes and the importance of addressing erectile dysfunction compassionately. Plus, discover ways to make scheduling sex more natural and reclaim a healthy sex life after trauma. Expect real questions and expert advice in this revealing conversation!
