Jay Stringer, a licensed mental health counselor and trauma expert, joins the hosts to discuss the importance of facing trauma and pain for healing and growth. They explore lust management, understanding the origin of pornography addiction, managing sexual desires in couples, maintaining identity in a relationship, and exploring uncommon topics. They emphasize the significance of having empathetic witnesses and individual work for personal growth.
Trauma is not just what happened to us, but also what happens inside of us in the absence of an empathetic witness, highlighting the importance of constructing a bridge between the present and the past to foster healing and growth.
Differentiating between the crisis stage and the meaning making stage when working through betrayal trauma is crucial, with both partners needing to engage in their individual journeys to address unresolved issues and recast a vision of the marriage that promotes healing and growth.
Deep dives
The Origin of Trauma and Its Effects on Behavior
In this episode, the speaker discusses how trauma is not just what happened to us, but also what happens inside of us in the absence of an empathetic witness. He highlights the importance of understanding the origin story of harmful behaviors and the need to construct a bridge between the present and the past. By honoring the soothing and attachment developed during difficult times, individuals can work towards growing a self capable of moving through distress without relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms.
The Crisis Stage and Meaning Making Stage in Healing
The speaker emphasizes the importance of differentiating between the crisis stage and the meaning making stage when working through betrayal trauma and healing. He explains that both partners need to engage in their individual journeys, attending to their own stories and addressing unresolved issues. This process allows for the recasting of a vision of the marriage that is devoid of secrecy and enmeshment, promoting healing and growth.
The Role of Curiosity, Wholeness, and Courageous Hospitality
The speaker highlights the significance of cultivating curiosity about one's own journey and story, particularly when dealing with difficult and traumatic experiences. He encourages individuals to lean into their pain and be courageous in providing hospitality to their own experiences and emotions. By doing so, individuals can foster healing and growth, allowing for a deeper sense of self and a stronger foundation in relationships.
Moving from Numbing to Healthy Coping
The speaker acknowledges that individuals often resort to numbing behaviors and coping mechanisms to deal with pain and trauma. However, he emphasizes the importance of shifting towards healthier coping strategies that bring rest, restoration, and goodness to one's heart and soul. By prioritizing self-care and creating space for personal growth, individuals can move from running away from their pain to facing it with courage and finding healing on the other side.
In this episode I'm joined by Jay Stringer, a licensed mental health counselor, and we talk about the importance of facing and addressing trauma and pain in order to heal and grow. Our tendency often is to numb or run away from pain - or attempt to manage it, but it is more important to be a witness to one's own story while also having empathetic witnesses in the form of supportive friends and family.
Learn more about Jay here - https://jay-stringer.com/
On the Extended Version ...
Jay and I continue the conversation and highlight the importance of facing and processing trauma and pain in order to grow and heal, while also acknowledging the difficulty and complexity of doing so..
Enjoy the show!
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