Why We Fake Orgasms and How to Stop feat. Sex Therapist Vanessa Marin
Dec 4, 2023
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Sex therapist Vanessa Marin joins the hosts to discuss faking orgasms, how to stop doing it, and how to talk to your partner about it. They also touch on men having difficulty reaching orgasm. Other topics include funny Thanksgiving experiences, new merch, iPhone features, silicone handcuffs, sex toys, and exploring different sexual activities.
Many women fake orgasms to end sex quickly, due to complicated orgasms or to please their partners.
Expand sexual activities beyond intercourse, prioritize foreplay, oral sex, and communicate desires.
Transition from relying on a vibrator by exploring manual stimulation and partner involvement.
Mutual masturbation can enhance intimacy, start with small steps and create a safe space for exploration.
Address faking orgasms by having an honest conversation or introducing experimentation and playfulness in the relationship.
Deep dives
The decision to be child-free
After much consideration, Vanessa and her husband have decided to be child-free and he recently got a vasectomy.
Excitement about the success of her book
Vanessa's book became an instant New York Times bestseller, fulfilling a lifelong dream for her.
Personal update on her life
Vanessa and her husband are excited about their decision to be child-free and she recently celebrated the success of her book becoming a bestseller.
Vanessa's expertise on faking orgasms
Vanessa is well-versed in the topic of faking orgasms and has done research on the subject.
Reasons for Faking Orgasms
Many women fake orgasms because they want sex to be over, they feel their orgasms are too complicated or time-consuming, and they want to please their partners and make them feel better.
Broadening Sexual Repertoire
It is important to expand sexual activities beyond just intercourse. Couples should prioritize foreplay, engage in activities like oral sex or using hands for clitoral stimulation, and communicate their desires and preferences to their partners.
Transitioning from Vibrator to Partner
If a person has been relying heavily on a vibrator for orgasms, it can be helpful to take a break and explore manual stimulation. By experimenting with different techniques and incorporating their partner's touch, individuals can gradually transition from using a vibrator to experiencing pleasure with their partner.
Breaking the Stigma: Mutual Masturbation in Relationships
Mutual masturbation is an underrated sexual act that can enhance intimacy between partners. It is important to recognize that exploring self-pleasure with a partner is not always easy, but it is worth trying. Starting with baby steps like touching yourself while on top during sex or suggesting that your partner goes first can build confidence. Men overwhelmingly find it extremely attractive and hot when their partners touch themselves. It is crucial to communicate openly with your partner about your desires and to create a safe and judgment-free space to explore mutual masturbation.
Navigating Faking Orgasms in a Long-Term Relationship
Faking orgasms can create complications in a long-term relationship. Two possible approaches can address this issue. The first, although challenging, is to have an honest conversation with your partner about faking orgasms, acknowledging the reasons behind it, and expressing the desire for a sex life based on authenticity. This option allows for a fresh start. The second option involves highlighting changes in your body's response to pleasure, such as mentioning your body's shift in preferences and the desire to explore new techniques together. This approach focuses on introducing experimentation and playfulness into the relationship without revealing the full truth of faking orgasms.
We are SO excited (or rather, aroused) to do this episode about faking orgasms! We brought in sex therapist and bestselling author Vanessa Marin to chat about how many women are faking orgasms, why we do it, how to stop doing it, and how to talk to your partner if you’ve been faking for a while (or forever!). We also break down how to end the sexual experience when you don’t know how, reframing “good sex” even when there isn’t a climax, and how to mix up the order you do things in the bedroom so everyone gets off. And we even touch on men having difficulty reaching orgasm. Before Vanessa joins us, we’re catching up on Ashley meeting her boyfriend’s parents, Rayna’s awkward vibrator moment with her family, and we have a very special (official) debut from TESSA! We’re also introducing new Vibes Only products – handcuffs anyone? Enjoy!
