110. Building Equitable Relationships with Eve Rodsky (Fair Play)
Aug 29, 2023
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Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, helps couples build more equitable relationships by addressing the labor disparity at home. They discuss the Second Shift and how it harms women. The Fair Play Doctrine offers exercises and conversation starters for eradicating this imbalance. They also highlight the importance of accountability, trust, and implementing an equitable division of labor. The chapter on letting go of perfection and learning from mistakes emphasizes the significance of allowing partners to learn and grow. Additionally, they discuss the value of playing a question-based game to strengthen the relationship.
Rebalancing domestic workloads and improving communication within households can create more equitable partnerships.
Valuing personal time and challenging societal norms can lead to sustainable changes and avoid burnout.
Engaging in conversations about unpaid labor, advocating for equitable partnerships, and envisioning a future with freedom of choice are essential for meaningful change.
Deep dives
The Importance of Making Invisible Work Visible
The podcast episode emphasizes the concept of invisible work, such as emotional labor and unpaid tasks that usually fall on women. It discusses the societal impact of this work and the need to bring awareness to it. The episode also highlights the significance of discussing this issue with men and shares the story of Eve Rodsky, who transformed her personal experiences into a catalyst for social change. Rodsky's work focuses on rebalancing domestic workloads and reimagining relationships through her book 'Fair Play', which elevates the conversation about unpaid labor and care.
The Cross-Section Between Creativity, Productivity, and Resilience
In her follow-up book, 'Find Your Unicorn Space', Eve Rodsky explores the intersection of creativity, productivity, and resilience. She aims to inspire a new narrative around the equality of time and the right to personal time choice, which can lead to lasting change on a policy level. Rodsky's work prompts individuals to prioritize their creative lives and challenges societal norms that limit personal time and choices. By valuing personal time, individuals can avoid burnout and make sustainable changes in their lives.
The Importance of Boundaries, Systems, and Communication
Fair Play promotes the idea that individuals, especially women, need to assert boundaries, establish systems, and improve communication within their households. This approach helps rebalance domestic workloads and cultivates a sense of ownership. By recognizing the value of their time and redistributing responsibilities, individuals can create more equitable partnerships. The episode highlights the significance of practicing these principles to achieve lasting change in the division of labor within relationships.
Challenging Societal Norms and Creating Lasting Change
The podcast episode underscores the need to challenge societal norms and expectations that place a disproportionate burden on women in terms of unpaid labor. By advocating for more equitable partnerships and promoting the value of personal time, individuals can create sustainable and meaningful change. The episode encourages listeners to engage in conversations about unpaid labor and care, share the episode to raise awareness, and envision a future where individuals have the freedom to choose how they spend their time.
Consistency and Patience as Keys to Success
Consistency and patience are emphasized as crucial factors for achieving success. The speaker highlights the importance of consistent effort and long-term thinking, comparing it to the concept of investing. Like investing money, making small deposits of consistent effort now can lead to significant payoffs in the future. The speaker shares an anecdote about their son's experience with investing, underscoring the need for patience and long-term commitment. Whether it's in financial life or relationships, consistency and investment in oneself or one's partner are essential for positive outcomes.
Communication as the Most Important Practice
The podcast discusses the significance of communication in relationships and emphasizes its role as the most important practice in one's life. The speaker conducted a survey asking people about their most important practice, and communication emerged as essential. They distinguish between relational communication and transactional communication, highlighting the need for open, honest, and effective communication with one's partner. The speaker encourages individuals to invest in improving their communication skills, emphasizing that it is a learnable skill. By focusing on relational communication, people can enhance their relationships and build stronger connections.
What is the Second Shift? And how is it harming women? The second shift is defined as labor performed in the home outside of work –– things like grocery shopping or prepping dinner or lunches, childcare, pet care, cleaning, and managing finances –– which mostly falls on women. Today’s guest, Eve Rodsky, is here to help partners build more equitable relationships by helping bridge communication gaps and develop better systems in the home. In this episode, she talks through her Fair Play Doctrine, offering exercises and conversation starters for couples to help get started in eradicating the labor disparity in their homes.
