Elevator Systems - Bowen Family Systems Theory S3 Ep16 Family Rifts with Lisa Moss
Oct 21, 2025
Lisa Moss, a licensed clinical social worker and faculty at the Center for Family Consultation, dives into family rifts through the lens of Bowen family systems theory. She discusses the concept of 'cutoff', explaining how it can relieve tension but may have lasting effects on relationships. The conversation explores the emotional cost of maintaining distance and the impact of unchecked family dynamics. Lisa also highlights the importance of self-differentiation and managing one’s emotional energy within family contexts, offering TV show examples that illustrate these concepts.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Cutoff Manages Intensity, Not Problems
- Lisa Moss explains Bowen's concept of cutoff as a way people manage intergenerational emotional intensity.
- Cutting off relieves immediate tension but doesn't resolve underlying problems and often transfers intensity to other relationships.
Work On Self Before Fixing Others
- Work on yourself and increase objectivity about your family before expecting change in relationships.
- Use family-of-origin work and the multigenerational diagram to identify your role and develop differentiation.
Disconnection Consumes Emotional Energy
- Emotional energy spent staying disconnected often keeps the person preoccupied with the relationship.
- Estrangement can feel like connection because it requires ongoing attention and effort to maintain distance.
