Good Inside with Dr. Becky The Cost of Compliance for Our Kids
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Nov 11, 2025 
Dr. Sunita Sah, an organizational psychologist and author of "Defy: The Power of No in a World that Demands Yes," discusses the hidden costs of raising overly compliant children. She explores how uncritical compliance can silence kids in critical moments. Sunita introduces the five stages of defiance and stresses the importance of practicing small acts of defiance to build confidence. She also emphasizes that balancing cooperation and defiance in parenting is crucial for nurturing independent, courageous adults.
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Compliance Trains Silence
- Constant compliance trains people to silence their internal alarms and avoid conflict.
- This can prevent speaking up in high-stakes settings like medicine or aviation, causing real harm.
Listen To The Body Signal
- An internal bodily signal often precedes defiance and indicates discomfort or doubt.
- People commonly dismiss this signal due to 'insinuation anxiety' fearing they imply distrust by saying no.
Use The Power Of The Pause
- Pause and name the tension to yourself before answering a request.
- Use time or distance to reassess how the request aligns with your values and capacity.
