Reimagining Love with Dr. Alexandra Solomon

"If It Wasn’t For You…": The Importance of Mattering For An Abundant, Purposeful Life with Jennifer B. Wallace

Jan 20, 2026

In this conversation, Jennifer B. Wallace, an award-winning journalist and bestselling author, dives into the profound concept of 'mattering.' She shares compelling stories from her research that link feeling valued to overall well-being. Practical tips include a nightly journal for tracking connections and creating 'impact files' to recognize one's worth. Wallace also addresses the impact of flake culture on relationships and proposes ways to cultivate deeper connections through small rituals. This eye-opening discussion emphasizes the urgency of prioritizing mattering in our lives.

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ANECDOTE

Fire Chief Who Tracked Rescues

Fire chief Greg tracked rescue outcomes so firefighters knew their actions saved lives and felt they mattered.
That visible feedback reduced burnout by connecting daily work to clear impact.

ADVICE

Practice A Daily Mattering Journal

Start a nightly mattering journal asking: Where did I add value today and who added value to me?
Use small actions and simple messages like "If it wasn't for you..." to make others feel seen.

ADVICE

Create An Impact File

Build an impact file (digital or physical) collecting thank-you notes, screenshots, and press mentions to revisit when doubting your worth.
Keep visible reminders of impact to counter feelings of invisibility and burnout.

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In our modern world, we have seen a remarkable increase in anxiety and depression in people, particularly among young people, not to mention the loneliness epidemic, burnout, and stress, all of which greatly impact our sense of well-being and our ability to connect with each other. Dr. Alexandra is joined by the award-winning journalist and bestselling author, Jennifer B. Wallace, whose latest book Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose makes the case for why feeling like we matter is essential to our well-being and how prioritizing this need is a remedy to our modern mental health dilemmas.

In this conversation, you will hear about:

some of the stories Jennie came across while researching her new book that demonstrate why mattering, well, matters.
simple practices that folks have integrated into their daily lives to develop a sense of mattering in themselves, and to convey to others that they matter to them.
the aspects of our culture that impact our sense of mattering and how we can respond, counterculturally, with actions that protect our “mattering core”, as Jennie calls it.
Jennie’s thoughts on flake culture (our normalization of bailing on plans) and how it harms our own sense of mattering, as well as harms those around us.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer Breheny Wallace: https://bookshop.org/p/books/mattering-the-secret-to-a-life-of-deep-connection-and-purpose-jennifer-breheny-wallace/157a47e2699950cb?ean=9780593850596&next=t
Jennifer B. Wallace’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace/?hl=en
Jennifer B. Wallace’s Newsletter: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/newsletter
Derek Thompson’s Substack article: https://www.derekthompson.org/p/whose-cup-are-you-filling

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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