Modern Wisdom #1025 - Dr Paul Hewitt - Understanding the Psychology of Perfectionism
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Nov 27, 2025 
Dr. Paul Hewitt, a clinical psychologist specializing in perfectionism, discusses the exhausting cycle of perfectionism and its childhood roots. He distinguishes between productive ambition and toxic perfectionism, highlighting how the latter can lead to anxiety and burnout. Paul reveals the detrimental effects of perfectionism on mental health and relationships, and why high achievers often feel unworthy. He advocates for therapy that addresses core self-acceptance issues and emphasizes the importance of prioritizing relationships over relentless achievement.
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Perfectionism As A Repair Strategy
- Perfectionism is a personality style born from feeling fundamentally 'not enough'.
- People attempt to repair that by appearing perfect to gain worth, love, and belonging.
Different Behaviors, Same Root
- Perfectionism manifests idiosyncratically: some overachieve, others freeze.
- Both patterns stem from the same core drive to fix perceived personal flaw.
The Abusive Inner Voice
- Perfectionists maintain a harsh, abusive inner dialogue toward themselves.
- They would never speak to others the way they speak to themselves.