What Disorganized Attachment Really Feels Like

5 snips

Aug 21, 2025

In this conversation, Amy Moore shares her candid journey with disorganized attachment, detailing her struggles with both avoidance and anxiety. She highlights the profound impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships and emphasizes the necessity of emotional safety and oxytocin bonding. Amy discusses practical steps for healing, such as fostering self-awareness and trust through open communication, especially in parenting. Her insights shed light on the complexities of navigating personal relationships while working towards a healthier connection with oneself.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Avoidance Alone, Anxiety In Love

Quiet disorganized attachment flips between avoidance when alone and anxiety when close to someone.
Amy experiences relief after breaking up but extreme worry during relationships, revealing the quiet-disorganized pattern.

INSIGHT

Silent Devotion Looks Like Indifference

Quiet disorganized people often love deeply yet appear distant because they shut down outwardly.
That silent devotion confuses children and partners who mistake emotional withdrawal for lack of care.

ADVICE

Explain And Watch A Video Together

Tell your daughter you're learning about your attachment and ask to watch a video together to explain it.
Then ask calm questions about whether she feels uncared for and share how you actually feel to repair misunderstandings.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

What does it really feel like to live with disorganized attachment? In this episode, Adam welcomes Amy Moore, who shares her story of navigating survival mode, struggling with both avoidance and anxiety, and learning how to begin her healing journey.

Topics Covered:
👉 Amy’s experience with disorganized attachment and “survival mode”
👉 How attachment styles shift between avoidance (single) and anxiety (in relationships)
👉 The role of parenting and how her daughter perceives her healing journey
👉 Why emotional safety and oxytocin bonding are critical in relationships
👉 How trauma from infancy and childhood affects adult attachment patterns
👉 The freeze response and how it’s often misinterpreted as indifference
👉 Practical steps for repair: asking questions, sharing context, and creating safe communication
👉 The importance of forgiveness, self-awareness, and building trust with 2–3 close connections

If you enjoyed watching this episode, you might love 'Dr. Orion Taraban: Why Modern Men Are Failing at Intimacy'. Watch here: https://youtu.be/rYdzdGReDqg

Join this channel to get access to perks: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam

Work with Adam Lane Smith, The Attachment Specialist:

1- https://adamlanesmith.com/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social
2- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/how-to-love-an-avoidant-man/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social
3- https://adamlanesmith.com/product/the-attachment-bootcamp/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social
4- https://adamlanesmith.com/work-with-me/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social
5- https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-repair/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social

Want to learn your attachment style, and sign up for Adam's weekly newsletter? Click the link below to receive your copy and sign up now.
https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social

If you want to know your attachment style , take our free attachment quiz: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-assessment/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social

Connect with Adam on your second preferred platform:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentbro
X: https://twitter.com/adamlanesmith
Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AdamLaneSmith/
I Wish You Knew Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh_uRUnpQwNZb_WG76TxTTw?sub_confirmation=1