Sounds True: Insights at the Edge Frank Ostaseki: “I’m Allergic to the Notion of a Good Death”
Dec 23, 2025
Frank Ostaseski, a pioneer in compassionate end-of-life care and author of The Five Invitations, shares profound insights into the emotional landscape of dying. He emphasizes the importance of love, asking, 'Am I loved?' and 'Have I loved well?' Through his experiences, he illustrates how vulnerability and presence help alleviate fears around death. Frank also discusses the significance of training caregivers, the role of mercy in pain management, and why he rejects the notion of a 'good death,' advocating instead for authenticity in the dying process.
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Core Questions At The End Of Life
- Dying people's core questions are "Am I loved?" and "Have I loved well?".
- These questions focus on felt experience, not moral evaluation, and shape end-of-life priorities.
Falling In Mexico City
- Frank fell in Mexico City, broke his femur, and was tended by strangers who wrapped him and stayed with him in the rain.
- That care taught him to both receive help and practice altruism as a balance to helplessness.
Do Your Inner Homework
- Do the inner homework: tend your own fears and losses so you can empathically meet others without guessing.
- Build that empathetic bridge and lead with your humanity rather than technical skills when caring for the dying.