2044: [Part 2] Reclaiming Our Stories From Trauma by Jenny TeGrotenhuis with Gottman Institute on Finding Peace in Relationships
Jan 24, 2024
10:47
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Jenny TeGrotenhuis, expert in reclaiming stories from trauma, explores how trauma shapes present relationships, hindering genuine connection. Healing from past wounds involves challenging old beliefs, fostering trust and safety, and encouraging open communication and love in relationships.
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Quick takeaways
Traumatic experiences in our past can shape our present relationships and lead to patterns of protection over connection.
By letting go of expectations, embracing vulnerability, and turning towards each other with acceptance, individuals can experience the joy of safe and healthy relationships, fostering healing and growth.
Deep dives
Defensiveness Blocks Connection
Jenny, a depressed client, constantly felt overwhelmed and behind in her tasks at home and work, striving for perfection. Her behavior stemmed from her upbringing and traumatic experiences, where she learned to dismiss her own needs. Through therapy, she learned to let go of her old scripts and found safety and acceptance in her relationship with her husband Daniel. They practiced attuning to each other's emotions, discussing their real feelings in the present moment. Letting go of the pressure to perform and embracing authenticity led to a deeper connection and joy in their relationship.
Recognition of Real Feelings and Building Trust
Jenny discovered that her anxiety stemmed from her need for a comforting and safe connection. She learned to accept her emotions with kindness and communicate her struggles to Daniel. In challenging the old scripts, she found support and encouragement from him. Through self-awareness and attunement to each other's feelings, they built trust and safety. Instead of performing roles dictated by shoulds, they found joy in living in the present moment by embracing authenticity and building healthy relationships.
Healing Through Relationships
The article emphasizes that relationships, where wounds often occur, are also the means of healing. Jenny's journey of reclaiming her story from trauma involved having a trauma-informed therapist to provide support and guidance. The goal is to recognize and accept real feelings, both in oneself and one's partner, and to let go of expectations. By turning towards each other with acceptance and embracing vulnerability, individuals can experience the joy of safe and healthy relationships, fostering healing and growth.
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Episode 2044:
Discover how trauma from the past can unconsciously shape present relationships, leading to patterns of protection over connection. Gabor Maté's insights guide the journey towards understanding and healing, empowering individuals to transform their trauma responses and reclaim their story.
"The thing about defenses is that while they protected us from threats in the past, they hinder us from genuine connection in the present, when no real threat exists."