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Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver

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Oct 23, 2025

Guest

Dr. Joe Oliver

Dr. Joe Oliver, a clinical psychologist and expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, dives into the complexities of the self-help industry. He discusses the paradox where a booming market for self-help coexists with rising anxiety and depression. Joe reveals how relentless self-improvement can lead to self-judgment and distraction from the present. He introduces the concept of psychological flexibility as an empowering way to navigate emotional struggles and emphasizes the importance of pursuing values over perfectionism.

44:11

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Episode notes

insights

INSIGHT

Self-Help Growth Signals Unmet Needs

The booming self-help market suggests unmet needs rather than solved problems.
Dr. Joe Oliver argues growth implies the industry isn't fully fixing what it promises.

insights

INSIGHT

Striving Can Erode Joy And Self-Compassion

Striving for constant improvement can strip joy and create self-judgment.
Joe Oliver describes how clinging to progress turns a hobby into a source of shame.

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ANECDOTE

Moment Self-Criticism Came Into View

Dr. Joe Oliver recalled reading Susan Jeffers' Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway as a student.
The book made him notice his harsh self-critical inner dialogue for the first time.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Why the Self-Help Industry Keeps Growing

01:36 • 2min

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Why Do We Buy But Not Finish Self-Help?

03:19 • 2min

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How Digital Platforms Changed Self-Help

05:25 • 5min

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Is Self-Improvement About Flourishing or Fixing?

10:22 • 6min

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Which Self-Help Messages Actually Resonate?

16:28 • 7min

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Does Self-Help Work? Evidence and Limits

23:05 • 3min

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What Makes Self-Help More Effective?

25:49 • 3min

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Timing, Readiness, and When Change Clicks

28:28 • 4min

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How Packaging and Marketing Affect Impact

32:06 • 4min

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Approach Matters: Curiosity Versus Fear

35:50 • 4min

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Self-Help Through History and Culture

39:42 • 2min

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Author Values: Humility, Practical Tips, Compassion

• Mentioned in 29 episodes

Self-help

Samuel Smiles

Published in 1859, 'Self-Help' by Samuel Smiles is a landmark in the self-help genre. The book advocates for personal responsibility and the virtues of hard work, industry, and character. It uses numerous biographical examples, including those of George Stephenson and Josiah Wedgwood, to illustrate how individuals can achieve success through their own efforts. The book was highly influential in Victorian Britain and beyond, selling over a quarter of a million copies by the time of Smiles' death in 1904. It has been translated into many languages and remains a significant text in the history of self-help literature.

#16

• Mentioned in 328 episodes

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie

First published in 1936, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie is a timeless guide to improving interpersonal skills. The book is divided into four main sections: Six Ways to Make People Like You, Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Carnegie's principles emphasize the importance of genuine interest in others, active listening, and avoiding criticism and argument. The book offers practical advice on how to build strong relationships, communicate effectively, and influence others by aligning their self-interest with yours. It has been a cornerstone of personal development and business success for generations.

#1165

• Mentioned in 26 episodes

The happiness trap

Russ Harris

In 'The Happiness Trap', Dr. Russ Harris presents the insights and techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help readers escape the epidemic of stress, anxiety, and depression. The book focuses on accepting unhelpful thoughts rather than trying to control them, and it emphasizes the importance of clarifying values and developing mindfulness. It provides practical tools for reducing stress and worry, handling painful thoughts and feelings, breaking self-defeating habits, overcoming insecurity and self-doubt, and building better relationships and a fulfilling life.

#41614

Acceptance and Commitment for Coaching

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Dr. Joe Oliver

#631

• Mentioned in 40 episodes

The Road Less Traveled

M. Scott Peck

In this book, M. Scott Peck uses his experience as a psychiatrist to guide readers through the challenges of life. He argues that life is inherently difficult and that spiritual growth and self-awareness can only be achieved by confronting and overcoming these difficulties. The book is divided into four parts, focusing on discipline, love, spiritual growth, and the concept of grace. Peck emphasizes the importance of discipline in delaying gratification, accepting responsibility, dedicating oneself to truth, and balancing conflicting factors. He also discusses the myths and realities of love and how it supports spiritual evolution. The book highlights that avoiding problems leads to decreased growth and increased suffering, while facing them can lead to greater self-knowledge and inner peace.

#2250

• Mentioned in 16 episodes

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision, and Anger into Power, Action, and Love

Susan Jeffers

In this book, Susan Jeffers offers dynamic techniques to help readers overcome their fears and take action towards their goals. The book emphasizes the importance of facing fears head-on, developing a stronger mindset, and taking small steps towards achieving goals despite fear. Jeffers also discusses the root of all fears as the belief that one cannot handle what happens, and provides tools to build confidence and manage thoughts positively. The book has been highly recommended by many therapists and business leaders for its practical and inspiring approach to managing fear and achieving personal growth.

#68610

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Self-Esteesteem

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Dr. Joe Oliver

#44275

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Mindfulness for Psychosis

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Joe Oliver

#78808

100 Key Points and Techniques in Act

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Dr. Joe Oliver

#52059

Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger

An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12

Christopher Waddington

ACT for Psychosis Recovery

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Join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry as they explore the surprising truth behind the booming self-help industry with psychologist and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) expert Dr. Joe Oliver. Despite the $13 billion self-help market, anxiety, depression, and loneliness are skyrocketing. What gives?

In this deeply honest and often humorous conversation, the trio unpacks how self-help culture—though well-intentioned—can fuel self-judgment, perfectionism, and a sense of failure when we don’t feel “better.” Joe explains how relentless self-improvement often distracts us from living fully in the present and accepting ourselves as we are.

Rather than trying to fix or avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings, Joe introduces an empowering alternative: psychological flexibility. Through ACT principles, they explore how we can relate differently to our inner struggles, develop self-compassion, and focus on living a values-based life—even when things are hard.

Topics Discussed in this episode:

What is ACT therapy and how does it work?
The self-help paradox: Why improvement can increase suffering
Tools to manage emotional avoidance and anxiety
The problem with “trying harder” in mental health
Real-life examples of psychological flexibility in action

View extended shownotes here

Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12

ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)

ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)

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