Explore the origins and symptoms of social anxiety, especially in your 20s, and learn how it can impact your self-image and interactions. Delve into cognitive distortions and practical strategies to reclaim your confidence, including the 'so what' mentality. Discover how to reframe anxious feelings as excitement to foster authentic connections. Hear personal experiences that empower listeners to face their fears with authenticity and self-assurance, transforming challenges into opportunities for growth.
Social anxiety can cause emotional, mental, and physical discomfort that hinders authentic connections.
People's opinions of us are often not as critical as we think, and their judgments do not define our worth.
Deep dives
Understanding Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is a common experience in our 20s. We often worry about what others think of us, fear embarrassment, and overanalyze our interactions and past mistakes. This anxiety stems from our brain's innate desire for acceptance and belonging, as historically our survival depended on being part of a tribe. However, occasional social anxiety is normal, whereas a diagnosable social anxiety disorder is more severe and impacts about 6-10% of people globally. Social anxiety can manifest in various situations, such as making new friends, dating, job interviews, or public speaking. It causes fear of being judged, humiliated, or rejected, leading to avoidance behaviors. However, this avoidance only reinforces the anxiety and prevents meaningful connections. It's important to recognize that people are generally not judging us as harshly as we judge ourselves, and their opinions do not define our worth.
Cognitive Distortions and Overthinking
Our social anxiety often stems from cognitive distortions and overthinking. We tend to see social situations as more meaningful than they actually are, which leads to overanalyzing our behavior and fearing negative judgments. This is fueled by a negative self-concept and the belief that others are constantly scrutinizing us. However, it's crucial to challenge these distortions. Most people are too focused on themselves to closely observe or judge our actions. Furthermore, our perceptions of ourselves are often overly negative and fail to reflect reality. Our anxiety-induced overthinking can also lead to post-event rumination, where we obsessively criticize our social performance. However, ruminating only reinforces the anxiety cycle and creates false memories. Recognizing these cognitive distortions and replacing them with more realistic perspectives can help alleviate social anxiety.
Embracing Authenticity and Overcoming Perfectionism
One of the keys to overcoming social anxiety is embracing authenticity over perfectionism. It involves being true to ourselves and accepting our imperfections, even if it means being vulnerable and different from societal expectations. Authenticity requires recognizing that others' opinions don't determine our worth and that their judgments are often fleeting and based on their own insecurities. Instead of striving for perfection, we can focus on behaving in alignment with our true selves and developing confidence. By reconditioning our thoughts and challenging the fear-based thinking, we can change our perception of social situations and view them as opportunities for connection, personal growth, and deeper relationships.
Taking Control and Overcoming Social Anxiety
To overcome social anxiety, it's important to take control of our thoughts and emotions. We can practice the 'so what' or 'what next' approach when fearful thoughts arise. By questioning the worst-case scenario and recognizing that the opinions of others have limited impact on our lives, we regain control over our thoughts. Additionally, we can reframe anxiety as excitement and use that energy as motivation rather than something to fear. Overthinking and post-event rumination should be minimized, as they reinforce the anxiety cycle. Instead, we can focus on accepting our emotions as temporary and treating them as guidance rather than absolute truth. Ultimately, overcoming social anxiety involves embracing our authentic selves, challenging cognitive distortions, and recognizing the limited significance of others' opinions.
Each of us deals with feelings of embarrassment, awkwardness and feeling social self conscious every now and then. But social anxiety can cause us a level of emotional, mental and physical discomfort that disrupts out ability to build authentic connection and can hold us back. In this episode we break down the psychology of social anxiety, particularly deconstructing the belief that everyone is judging us or that the opinions of others matter. We look at the distinction between everyday anxiety and a social phobia, the links to perfectionism and overthinking and methods for managing our social anxiety including the "so what" mentality and treating our anxiety like excitement rather than fear to allow us to pursue social authenticity over perfectionism. All that and more, listen now!
