The Next Big Idea Daily The Science Behind Your Need to Please
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Sep 24, 2025 Ingrid Clayton, a clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, explores the fascinating concept of fawning as a trauma response. She reveals how this behavior often develops when traditional responses like fight or flight aren’t feasible. Ingrid discusses the roots of people-pleasing in childhood and emphasizes self-abandonment's impact on our identity. She also offers insights into 'unfawning,' a path towards reclaiming one’s true self. With her compassionate perspective, Ingrid encourages understanding and acceptance of this adaptive survival mechanism.
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Complex Trauma Fuels Fawning
- Complex trauma is prolonged, relational, and often doesn't look like a single dramatic event.
- In those situations the nervous system may adopt fawning as an alternative to fight, flight, or freeze.
Personal Story Of Learning To Fawn
- Ingrid Clayton recounts growing up with a narcissistic stepfather and learning to fawn early.
- Naming the pattern after learning it as a therapist was the start of reclaiming herself.
People-Pleasing Is An Adaptive Strategy
- People-pleasing and codependency are described as flavors or symptoms of the fawn response.
- These strategies were adaptive in childhood because they helped secure safety and connection.
