Conversations with Dr. Jennifer Growing Beyond Duty Sex [Remix!]
Sep 2, 2026
Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, explores how couples can move beyond duty sex. They discuss spontaneous and responsive desire, resentment, covert contracts, sexual pressure, entitlement, and the courage required to build more authentic intimacy. A candid conversation about self-respect, responsibility, and growing through relational discomfort.
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Responsive Desire Is Not Obligation Sex
- Obligation sex differs from freely choosing to join a partner’s desire without equal arousal.
- Responsive desire may emerge after touching and bodily arousal, especially for women, making “stepping toward” desire-based rather than coerced.
Resentment Hides Unclaimed Choices
- Resentment often means someone made a choice while holding their partner responsible for making it necessary.
- People may want their spouse’s loyalty and validation while avoiding the exposure of expressing desire themselves.
Jennifer Had To Choose In Or Out
- While dating John, Jennifer wanted his commitment and desire without having to choose or desire in return.
- She eventually recognized that keeping all the validation and control for herself was unfair and eroded her self-respect.