Why Love Feels So Hard — And How to Finally Feel Safe in Your Relationships (with Jillian Turecki)

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Nov 26, 2025

Join Jillian Turecki, a relationship expert and bestselling author, as she shares her journey from heartbreak to healing. She reveals how past wounds shape our romantic lives and offers practical self-regulation techniques to manage conflict. Learn how to build emotional safety through trust, generosity, and respect. Jillian also discusses the importance of recognizing triggers, choosing the right partner, and keeping an open heart amidst fears. Her insights pave the way for creating secure, loving relationships.

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ANECDOTE

Crisis Sparked Relationship Reckoning

Jillian Turecki describes simultaneous personal crises: a miscarriage, her husband leaving by text, and her mother's terminal cancer diagnosis.
These events forced her to confront patterns and ask why relationships repeatedly failed for her.

INSIGHT

Childhood Love Software Shapes Adults

Childhood conditioning and cultural narratives shape our adult relationship software and expectations.
Recognizing these unconscious patterns is essential to rewrite how we love and relate.

ADVICE

Pause And Validate During Conflict

When triggered, pause: breathe, take a walk, or request a time-out rather than argue.
Validate the other person’s perspective to diffuse intensity and allow repair.

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When relationships feel chaotic, it’s usually not just about the moment—it’s old patterns running the show. In this episode of The Dr. Hyman Show, I talk with Jillian Turecki, relationship expert and bestselling author of It Begins With YOU, about why love can feel so hard and how to finally feel safe. Jillian opens up about her own heartbreak, loss, and transformation, and shares what she’s learned about healing old wounds and building relationships that feel secure, balanced, and real. Watch our full conversation on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. We discuss: • How to regulate your emotions and stay connected during conflict • The difference between past wounds and present triggers • Science-backed tools you can use to build emotional safety and trust • Why generosity, curiosity, and respect create lasting intimacy • How to choose a healthy partner and stop repeating old patterns Lasting love gets easier when you calm your body, challenge old stories, practice repair, and try to choose wisely from the start. View Show Notes From This Episode

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(0:00) Introduction to emotional regulation in relationships

(2:27) Jillian Turecki's personal journey and insights

(7:22) Childhood conditioning's impact on adult relationships

(13:12) Techniques for self-regulation and managing triggers

(23:32) Addressing heartbreak, emotional trauma, and prolonged grief

(33:00) Building and maintaining healthy relationships

(38:54) Tools for better relationships and challenging unconscious expectations

(47:06) Exploring the nine truths about love and unique relationship arrangements

(57:40) How to choose the right partner

(1:01:31) Resources for relationship improvement by Jillian Turecki

(1:03:22) Sponsor message