Healing Honeys (formerly OPENHOUSE with Louise Rumball)

128 - Avoidant Attachment: The Real Reason They Pull Away

Nov 27, 2023

Dr. Tari Mack, a clinical psychologist specializing in attachment styles and relationships, joins to unpack the Avoidant Attachment Style. They discuss whether avoidantly attached individuals are dodging love or vulnerability. Insights reveal the nuances between dismissive and fearful avoidants, and how childhood experiences shape these behaviors. Key topics include common triggers, the impact of emotional suppression on intimacy, and why communication gaps often arise in relationships. This engaging conversation sheds light on the struggle of finding genuine connection amidst avoidance.

48:56

Episode guests

Tari Mack

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

Avoidant attachment can manifest as dismissive or fearful styles, influencing how individuals perceive intimacy and emotional vulnerability in relationships.

Understanding the biological mechanisms behind attachment styles fosters empathy and highlights the importance of patience and communication in managing relationships.

Deep dives

Understanding Avoidant Attachment Styles

Avoidant attachment styles can manifest in two primary forms: dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant. Those with a dismissive avoidant style typically exhibit low levels of anxiety and possess a belief in their own lovability, although they often view others as untrustworthy. In contrast, individuals with a fearful avoidant style experience higher levels of anxiety and struggle with feelings of worthlessness, often stemming from chaotic or traumatic childhood environments. These underlying dynamics contribute significantly to patterns of behavior in adult relationships, affecting how individuals engage with intimacy and emotional vulnerability.

Intro

3min

Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style

11min

Navigating Avoidant Attachment in Relationships

18min

Understanding Triggers in Avoidant Attachment Style

4min

Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Relationships

3min

Understanding Avoidant Attachment and the Importance of Pacing

3min

The avoidantly attached deserved some airtime. Are avoidantly attached individuals avoiding love or avoiding vulnerability, rejection and potential discomfort? In this heavily requested episode, this week Louise & clinical psychologist Dr. Tari Mack dive into the Avoidant Attachment Style, shed light on the motivations behind the avoidantly attached and also explore how those with the avoidant attachment view OTHERS (including the anxiously attached!).

The pair discuss:

What’s really going on behind the Avoidant Attachment Style? (exploring the true drivers)
The difference between the Dismissive Avoidant and the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
How seeking comfort & sharing feelings is often thought of as ‘useless’ for the Avoidantly Attached
The ties between childhood & the avoidant attachment style
The specific triggers and fears related to this attachment style; and
Why withdrawal, shutting down, seeking space to regulate - often without communicating - can impact a relationship

The pair also discuss the top triggers and fears of the avoidant attachment style and why things often go wrong, quickly, after having sex.

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