Understanding Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is the work of John Bowlby, which explains how our childhood experiences of love and connection shape our adult relationships. Every person has an attachment style that influences their expectations and behaviors in relationships. The most common attachment style is secure, where individuals feel safe, worthy of love, and can form healthy relationships. Anxiously attached individuals, the second most common style, experienced inconsistent love in childhood and fear abandonment in relationships. They often engage in people-pleasing behaviors and struggle to prioritize their own needs. Anxiously attached individuals are frequently attracted to avoidant attachment styles, which perpetuates their patterns of self-abandonment and difficulty in expressing their needs. To move past anxiously attached tendencies, individuals can focus on advocating for their needs, practicing self-soothing techniques, maintaining a balanced life outside of relationships, and questioning their ingrained stories and beliefs.