719: How to Better Manage Your Emotions, with Ethan Kross
Feb 10, 2025
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Ethan Kross, an award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and author of *Chatter* and *Shift*, dives into the nuances of managing emotions in leadership. He discusses how our responses to emotional triggers can shape our outcomes. Discover how music can help modulate feelings and the power of distancing language to gain perspective. Kross introduces strategies like time shifting, encouraging listeners to consider how they might feel about situations in the future, and emphasizes the importance of experimenting with tools tailored to individual needs.
Leaders can improve their emotional regulation by strategically utilizing various tools, such as music and distancing language, to manage their feelings.
Flexibility in emotional management, through balancing avoidance and confrontation, enhances decision-making and fosters resilience in leadership.
Deep dives
Understanding Emotional Triggers and Responses
Leaders frequently encounter emotional triggers throughout their day, impacting their ability to manage relationships effectively. While it is impossible to eliminate these triggers, recognizing their influence is crucial for developing emotional regulation strategies. The discussion highlights that even those who experience intense emotions can learn to respond to triggers more constructively. This ability to manage emotions can significantly affect how leaders navigate challenges and interact with others.
The Flexibility of Emotional Management
A key insight is the importance of flexibility in emotional management, moving away from the binary approach of either avoiding or confronting problems. Instead, leaders can benefit from balancing both strategies—approaching issues when the time is right and stepping back when emotions run high. The flexibility to alternate between approaches can lead to more effective problem-solving and emotional resilience. This adaptability enables leaders to engage with their emotions without being overwhelmed, fostering better decision-making.
Utilizing Tools for Emotion Regulation
Emotion regulation can be enhanced through a variety of tools and methods that shift emotional states strategically. Techniques such as listening to music, reframing thoughts, or employing distance language can help individuals navigate their emotions effectively. Activating different senses can lead to desired emotional outcomes, helping to boost motivation or calm anxiety. By consciously selecting and using these tools, leaders can create emotional experiences that align with their goals and improve their overall emotional well-being.
The Importance of Perspective in Emotional Management
Maintaining perspective during emotional upheaval is essential for effective management of one's emotional landscape. Utilizing mental time travel to consider how one might feel about an issue in the future, or reflecting on past challenges, can mitigate the weight of current emotions. Such perspective shifts can diminish the immediate intensity of feelings, allowing for clearer thinking and better emotional processing. This approach not only aids in stress reduction but also enriches understanding of past experiences, enabling individuals to move forward more effectively.
Ethan Kross is the author of the national bestseller Chatter and one of the world’s leading experts on emotion regulation. An award-winning professor in the University of Michigan’s top-ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he is the Director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory. He’s the author of the new book, Shift: Managing Your Emotions–So They Don’t Manage You*.
Being a leader means that our emotions get triggered, often many times a day. While none of us can avoid those triggers, how we respond to them can make all the difference. In this conversation, Ethan and I explore his research on how to better manage our emotions.
Key Points
We often assume that approaching emotions is universally good and avoiding emotions is universally bad. Reality is much more nuanced.
We can strategically use our senses to modulate our feelings.
Music is a simple and powerful way to manage emotions proactively. Use playlists that align with the mood you wish to create.
Using distancing language when talking to yourself (i.e. saying “you” instead of “I”) can help you regulate.
Time shifting may help regulate your emotions. Ask yourself, how will I feel about this in a week? A month? A year?
Different tools work for different people at different times. Experiment to help you determine what works best for you.