Building relationships with neighbors requires both individual effort and the creation of a community culture that promotes connection.
Overcoming the barrier of 'civil inattention' and initiating conversations or connections can help build trust and foster relationships with neighbors.
Deep dives
Importance of Building Relationships with Neighbors
Building relationships with neighbors is essential, yet many people do not make the effort. In an age of infinite browsing and commitment issues, people often prioritize keeping their options open rather than making a commitment to their community. However, studies show a decline in neighborly interactions and community engagement, highlighting the need for stronger connections. Nostalgia for a time when Americans knew their neighbors well is not unfounded, as data from Robert Putnam's book 'Bowling Alone' reveals a significant decrease in club meetings, public meetings, and even informal socializing like picnics. Rebuilding a sense of community requires both individual effort and rebuilding the civic infrastructure that can facilitate these connections.
Overcoming Barriers to Neighborly Interactions
One of the barriers to building relationships with neighbors is the 'civil inattention,' the default posture of polite detachment towards strangers in public. This creates a sense of not acknowledging the existence of neighbors or their presence. However, small steps can be taken to overcome this barrier and initiate conversations or connections. Vulnerability and active goodwill, such as giving gifts like flowers or baked goods, can help break the ice and build trust. Additionally, hosting community events and facilitating introductions among neighbors can create opportunities for interaction. It is important to understand that building relationships with neighbors requires both individual effort and the creation of a community culture that promotes connection.
Navigating Challenges and Realistic Expectations
While building relationships with neighbors is beneficial, it is important to acknowledge that not all interactions will be positive or lead to lifelong friendships. People may have biases, fears, or assumptions that affect their interactions. Society's culture of low community trust and the prevalence of cautious behaviors can make it harder to form community connections. However, efforts to create respectful distance, like acknowledging the shared intimacy of proximity without invading privacy, can foster relationships that provide support and a sense of community. Balancing personal boundaries with efforts to connect is crucial, and small steps towards engagement, even after living in an area for some time, can still be meaningful and worthwhile.
Are commitment issues impacting our ability to connect with the people who live around us? Relationship building may involve a commitment to the belief that neighbors are worthy of getting to know.
In this episode of How to Talk to People, authorPete Davis makes the case for building relationships with your neighbors and wider community and offers some practical advice for how to take the first steps.
This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Julie Beck. Editing by Jocelyn Frank. Fact Check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Rob Smerciak. Special thanks to A.C. Valdez. The executive producer of Audio is Claudine Ebeid, the managing editor of Audio is Andrea Valdez.
We don’t need you to bring along flowers or baked goods to be a part of the How to Talk to People neighborhood. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic’s journalism, become a subscriber.
Music by Bomull (“Latte”), Tellsonic (“The Whistle Funk”), Arthur Benson (“Organized Chaos,” “Charmed Encounters”), Alexandra Woodward (“A Little Tip”).
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