Big Think How to date, mate, and find fulfillment | Helen Fisher & more
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May 27, 2025 Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at The Kinsey Institute, and Emily Nagoski, a sex educator and author, dive deep into the neuroscience of love and attachment. They explain that love is hardwired in our brains, influencing everything from desire to heartbreak. Fisher highlights how nurturing sex, novelty, and emotional closeness can sustain long-term relationships. Meanwhile, Nagoski discusses the challenges of modern dating, contrasting polyamory with traditional monogamy and emphasizing the importance of communication for sexual well-being.
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Love Is Brain Chemistry
- Sex drive, romantic love, and attachment are distinct brain systems, not just phases.
- Romantic love activates dopamine circuits similar to addiction, especially when love is lost.
Evolution of Love's Three Systems
- Romantic love, sex drive, and attachment evolved to aid reproduction and child-rearing.
- Romantic love focuses mating on one partner; attachment helps sustain long-term partnership.
Childhood Shapes Sex Views
- Helen Fisher grew up in a glass house, learning early that sex and attraction matter in partnerships.
- Her parents taught her to respect privacy around sexual matters, shaping her views on relationships.
