Interview: Making and keeping friends as a grown-up with Marisa Franco
Oct 15, 2024
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Marisa Franco, a professor and author of "Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends," dives into the nuances of adult friendships. She discusses the rise of loneliness and how tech is shaping social connections, highlighting the importance of platonic love for mental health. Franco emphasizes how our childhood perceptions of love affect adult relationships and offers insights on navigating social interactions. This conversation offers invaluable tips on strengthening friendships amidst life's challenges.
Loneliness is now recognized as a serious public health issue, affecting more people than diabetes and smoking-related conditions.
Understanding attachment theory is crucial for developing deeper friendships, as it influences how we interpret social interactions and connections.
Deep dives
The Urgency of Addressing Loneliness
Loneliness has been identified as an urgent public health issue, with studies indicating that it may impact more individuals than diabetes or smoking-related ailments. The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory underscores the growing prevalence of loneliness, suggesting that modern work and living conditions contribute to a disconnection from social bonds. Industrialization, technological advancements, and increasing individualism have exacerbated this phenomenon, leading to fewer social interactions and weaker community ties. The shift from communal living to a more isolated lifestyle has resulted in many grappling with feelings of loneliness, signaling a need for societal change and a reemphasis on connections.
The Value of Platonic Relationships
Platonic love is highlighted as a critical yet often undervalued component of human relationships that offers transformational benefits. The conversation emphasizes that many individuals lack the skills and understanding necessary to cultivate deep friendships, as they tend to focus predominantly on romantic love. Friendship not only enhances personal well-being but also holds significant relevance for long-term happiness and stability. The recognition that platonic relationships can be equally nourishing as romantic ones encourages a shift in how individuals prioritize their social networks.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment theory plays a vital role in understanding how early relationships with caregivers can shape a person's approach to friendships and social connections. Different attachment styles—secure, anxious, and avoidant—greatly influence how individuals interpret social cues, which can lead to either strengthened or strained relationships. For example, securely attached individuals are more likely to view social situations positively, while those with anxious or avoidant styles often misinterpret interactions and struggle to form lasting bonds. Recognizing these patterns is essential for personal growth and fostering healthier friendships, especially in a context where loneliness is rampant.
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Have you thought at some point in your adult life, I wish I had more friends?
Maybe you moved to a new city, saw your social life dwindle after having kids, or spent all your time and energy on your romantic relationships. No matter how you got there, trying to make friends as an adult is a really hard task! To try and help us all be better friends, we called in an expert:
Please send us your questions and comments about this episode or any other! You can email us at ttfapremium@feelingsand.co or leave us a voicemail at 612-568-4441.