2020: [Part 2] No, You Can't Make a Person Change by Mark Manson on Personal Responsibility
Jan 3, 2024
10:32
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Mark Manson, author of personal development and self-help books, discusses the importance of personal responsibility and the limitations of trying to change others. He emphasizes the significance of choosing one's own values, offering help unconditionally, and leading by example in supporting others on their journey of self-improvement.
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Quick takeaways
True change must come from within, and relying on external value systems can hinder personal development.
Rather than imposing answers, asking thought-provoking questions can empower individuals to find their own solutions.
Deep dives
Lead by example
Making a major change in your own life can have a ripple effect on your relationships. By stopping certain behaviors, you may inspire others to do the same. Instead of intervening and forcing someone to change, simply leading by example can be more effective in influencing others' behavior. For instance, if you stop drinking and partying, some of your friends may consider cutting back too, without you directly telling them to do so.
Give better questions instead of answers
Rather than imposing your own answers or solutions on someone, it is more helpful to help them ask better questions. Forcing your answers on someone can sabotage the benefit of those answers. By posing thought-provoking questions, you allow the person to think critically and reflect on their situation. Giving people questions requires patience, thought, and care, but it can empower them to find their own solutions. Therapy, for example, often focuses on asking better questions rather than providing direct answers.
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Episode 2020:
Mark Manson's article, "No, You Can't Make a Person Change," delves into the intricate dynamics of personal development. Manson argues that true change must originate from within, emphasizing the pitfalls of relying on external value systems and the importance of self-responsibility. He explores effective ways to support others in their journey of self-improvement without overstepping personal boundaries.
"I don’t get to decide what makes you a better person. And even if I did decide, the fact that I told you to do it, rather than you doing it for yourself, robs you of most of the emotional benefits."