167. “We took a loan to pay off our credit cards—and maxed them out again”
Jul 30, 2024
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Ashley, 29, and Brandon, 30, share their struggles with $261,000 in debt and emotional turmoil over family planning. They dive into how their childhood experiences shape their financial habits and highlight the complexities of differing priorities in their relationship. The couple discusses the emotional strain of debt and how financial communication plays a crucial role in their partnership. They reflect on the impact of extreme debt on their aspirations, revealing the delicate balance between enjoying life and managing finances.
Brandon and Ashley's differing financial philosophies create tension, impeding their ability to effectively manage shared debt and financial goals.
Ashley feels burdened by their financial situation, leading to resentment towards Brandon for his lack of involvement in budgeting and discussions.
The couple's financial struggles are deeply influenced by their childhood experiences, highlighting the need for better communication about their money backgrounds.
Deep dives
Announcement of Upcoming Book
A new book titled 'Money for Couples' is set to be released on January 1, 2025, aimed at helping couples align their financial goals and improve their communication regarding money. The author shares insights from over 170 interviews with couples, discussing their distinct money backgrounds, shared tensions, and psychological factors related to finances. The book will provide practical strategies on discussing finances, including language and timing, as well as practical tools for managing joint financial accounts effectively. Additionally, it aims to broaden the reader's comprehension of money dynamics within relationships and presents planning frameworks to help couples assess their financial health.
Brandon and Ashley's Financial Challenges
Brandon and Ashley are facing significant financial strain, burdened with over $100,000 in debt, which has been exacerbated by their inability to agree on financial decisions. The discussion reveals their struggle with living beyond their means, despite having undergone debt consolidation. Ashley desires to rapidly reduce their debt, while Brandon has a more carefree approach, wanting to enjoy life without the constant pressure of financial struggles. This friction in their financial partnership illustrates a lack of consensus and involvement in managing their shared economic situation.
Diverging Views on Spending and Debt
The couple's differing philosophies around spending significantly impact their relationship dynamics, particularly during discussions about selling assets to alleviate debt. Brandon enjoys having multiple recreational vehicles, including a truck and a snowmobile, and resists selling these items, while Ashley aims to sell non-essential assets to expedite debt repayment. The tension escalates as Brandon defends his attachment to his possessions, rooted in his upbringing where he lacked financial freedom, contrasting starkly with Ashley's pragmatic approach to their financial situation. Their conversations reflect deeper emotional issues tied to spending, need for approval, and childhood influences regarding money.
Communication Issues and Financial Burden
Ashley takes on the majority of the financial burden, handling most of the budgeting and payments, which leads to feelings of resentment towards Brandon. She expresses frustration over his reluctance to engage in financial discussions and decision-making, as he prefers to stay uninvolved. This dynamic illustrates a failure to create a functioning financial partnership, where both partners should ideally share responsibilities and make joint decisions about their finances. The conversation emphasizes the detrimental effects of inadequate communication and differing values on their overall relationship satisfaction.
The Impact of Personal History on Financial Perspectives
Brandon's childhood financial experiences have shaped his current attitudes towards money, contributing to a desire to live in the moment and enjoy life, given his fear of loss and instability. He experienced financial limitations growing up, leading him to prioritize enjoyment, while Ashley's background prompts her to prioritize financial security and debt repayment. This contrast becomes particularly pronounced as they navigate their plans for starting a family, coupled with their existing financial obligations and hopes for a more stable future. Their revelations highlight the intertwined nature of personal history and financial habits, underscoring the importance of understanding each other's backgrounds to foster mutual respect and cooperation.
Ashley is 29, Brandon is 30. They have been married for six years and have accumulated $261,000 in debt. Despite taking out a surrogate loan, they are still unable to have a baby. Ashley is desperate for a partner, but Brandon struggles to engage—at home, and in this conversation.
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