Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

248: Should Our Tween Dictate Our Post-Divorce Visitation Schedule?

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Dec 2, 2025

Discover how divorced parents can better support their tweens during the upheaval of split custody. The idea of children feeling like 'human ping-pong balls' illustrates the emotional toll of constant transitions. Learn about ideal setups, like parents rotating while kids stay put, and why that benefits stability. Explore flexible visitation plans that adapt as teens gain independence. Dr. Lisa shares essential co-parenting principles to minimize conflict and practical tips for easing the adjustment process.

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INSIGHT

One-Week Swaps Feel Like Ping-Pong

One-week-each custody often feels like being a “human ping-pong ball” to tweens and teens.
The arrangement can be emotionally destabilizing even when parents cooperate and live nearby.

ANECDOTE

Dream: Child Keeps One Home

The dream scenario is the child keeps one home while parents rotate between apartments.
Lisa says this almost never happens but calls it the ideal from the child's perspective.

INSIGHT

Amicable Splits Still Confuse Kids

Even amicable divorces can puzzle kids who wonder why parents split if they still ‘get along.’
That confusion can heighten the child's distress about losing a single stable household.

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When parents divorce, how much say should a tween or teen have in deciding where they live, and how often they switch homes?

Divorce is hard on everyone, but for kids it often comes with a lot of upheaval. In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and journalist Reena Ninan unpack what divorced parents can do to minimize the emotional toll on their kids, ease the challenge of moving back-and-forth between homes, and create arrangements that grow with their child’s needs.

Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Dr. Lisa helps parents understand the situation from their child’s perspective and offers compassionate, practical strategies to reduce conflict, simplify logistics, and strengthen co-parenting teamwork.

💡 YOU’LL LEARN:

- Why divorce often leaves kids feeling like “a human ping-pong ball”

- What an ideal post-divorce setup looks like (and why it’s rarely possible)

- How visitation schedules can evolve as tweens mature and seek more independence

- How the mindset shift from “ex” to “co-parent” helps everyone

Whether you’re newly divorced or years into co-parenting, this episode will help you see the challenges through your child’s eyes and remind you that stability, empathy, and teamwork make all the difference.

Follow and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can see all our latest video episodes: https://youtube.com/@asklisapodcast

And follow us on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @Lisa.Damour, @ReenaNinan.

Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/

Ask Lisa is produced by: https://www.goodtroubleproductions.com

Episode keywords: divorce, co-parenting, tween emotions, family transitions, custody tips

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